How I became a Doctor.

We watch House MD. Me and my husband. All season , all re-runs. I think we are addicted.

hmm, Sometimes over tea while watching re-run I ask him : Why do we watch House ?

What is it with this TV series, full of medical jargons we possibly would not understand without the english subtitle , not to mention annoying main character who is crippled,refuses to wear coat , preaches not to follow rules and thinks he is the Sherlock Holmes or worst God himself.
…. and what the hell is Dept of  Diagnostics anyways ? 

… and why does Dean of a prestigious hospital wears sexy , tight , plunging neckline dress everyday to office. Phew , the neckline , that tight skirt .  Hospital is hot. 

I can cure.

Me with ladies on an evening walk , ladies who are blessed to know nothing about House

Friend ( suddenly , trying to hold on to me, clearly in lot of pain) : I don’t know , I have this leg pain from past 2-3 days..wont go away… can we stop for a sec?

Me (guffawed .. like real loud big guffaw) :  Vicodin. Take vicodin.

All eyes on me , earth stopped at its course .. actually I felt everything stopped at its course  and every pair of eyes on me.Lady .. didnt you hear that.. she just said she is in pain .. she is your friend .. what’s with that laugh?! 

Me : I mean ..  .. Vicodin is pain killer. Take it.

vicodin
Pain , pain go away . Come again another day. Vicodin is here to stay 😀

Friend : Eh , Is vicodin good?

Hell yes .. Breakfast of champions!

And there , normality was resumed. Earth continued its rotation and I thanked Dr House for saving my friendship.

People have symptoms..

Really , Miss goody. One who cares about water crisis , kids fighting in the garden,the stray cat, dog .. and then always after the party in  oh-i-care-so-much voice

How did she back go home .. I hope she got a drop ?

That is definitely a symptom . A cause of an underlying disease. No one , no human being with right set of DNA and grey matter can be THAT nice about, hell , every living being crawling , breathing on earth , air or wind.

Niceness is a symptom and she needs treatment. She does not know this yet.

Dr house can diagnose it, I could diagnose it.
Who knows .. next could be that she got a heart attack because the kid fell off the swing and got bruises.

I learned I could not be seeing what my eyes sees , hear what my ears heard or whats coming out or rather hoping to come out of son’s bum soon.

Night time.. eyes very very sleepy , lights off , head just about to rest on pillow ..

Son: Mummy potty .

I heard something , I saw son saying potty , holding on to his dear tushy and hubby dear taking him to bathroom and me sleeping . He said “Goodnight sweetie” . My eyes are closed , body relaxed. I have a wonderful loving husband .

Son (screaming ): Potty …!

Husband ( screaming ) : He wants to go to potty. Only with you ..

Me: what is happening .. I just saw you took him to bathroom.

Husband : Stop seeing things and take him to bathroom. He only wants to go with you ..

Aaaah , where the hell is my loving caring husband !  I hallunicated him ..

Evil bitch

Now , that is what I call a bitch. In real sense. A human bitch.I mean literally , physically , whole-heartily, emotionally , when-she-speak-ily , when-she-doesnt-speakily. She talks evil about everyone , spreads lies , gangs up and blah blah blah blah.

As you ,my intelligent reader species have understood  by now , I hate her  too ( too..?Yes I dont like Miss goody ) with my pure heart , lungs and kidney.

Symptom . Again.

She cant be THAT annoying . I mean look at her gorgeous figure .How can someone with such good looks can be such a snob..She needs help.

She definitely needs Dr House.

ugh-people
She is nice = symptom, She is evil = symptom, She is normal = deep rooted , difficult to detect symptom.

He doesn’t mean what he is saying..Everybody lies.

Husband at dinner table: I think this needs a bit of salt .Pass me salt , please.

Me : What (He is lying .. messing with my head , my your cooking skills , I should reply with an attitude Do-not-mess-with-me) : I think salt is just fine.

Husband: Pass me salt ..

Me: I know what you are trying to do. And I will not accept this. Everybody lies. You are a liar.

Husband (holly molly) : I do not need salt. Salt is just fine.
Me : Thanks Doctor House… I know now .. lies!

everybodylies
Salt is salt (source=google)

You are a Ninja warrior.

Move over doctors , MD , MBBS , MHDNS … I can solve any problem.

And you know what , lets do a differential diagonastic. I bet my doctor won’t even understand what does that mean. Who needs a doctor when we have a Doctor with capital D.

Problem :Pain in the leg

Do a brain biopsy and hit your leg at the same time . The brain cells that lights up when you hit your leg ..those are the one! Remove those nasty brain cells and leg pain will be gone forever. Trust me  , it works. Every third patient in a hospital needs brain biopsy.

Problem :Bad itching , or hiccups non-stop. Perhaps suffering from running nose ? running for a long time.

Must be Autoimmune disorder. Body’s immune system is turned against itself , so runny nose keeps running , itches keeps itching, hiccups won’t  stop. What the hell immune system is NOT doing. Tell doctor , I want to replace my immune system. It is faulty. Just get immune transplant.

Rest of all : Just take broad spectrum antibiotics and you will be covered from any tom,dick or harry disease.

Then there is always Vicodin.


 

Reader ,the intelligent species : Hey , This is such an insightful post.. Thank you so much.I feel like am a doctor now.

Me : Don’t thank me. Thanks House.

Reader ,the one-with-symptom  species :So, what’s next ? I want to be a serial killer. Do you watch Dexter?

Me : Dear , I also watch Law and Order , Castle and  Quantico!


 

PS: All images = from google.

PPS: My dear husband suggested House to write post . He is watching House now and have not read this post yet. Am sure he will agree or care to disagree. In either case , I will give him broad spectrum antibiotic to cure him of whatever he has.

 

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