When you see a lady sitting on a table, with a book..

LEAVE HER ALONE.

Do not small talk. Do not “Hey, How are you?”.

And never-ever-ever join her on the table. Period.

She might be your best buddy, but you are definitely not hers, not at that moment.

Total stranger.

And if that lady happens to be me, with my crush, I might bite, meow, roar or just chuff! It goes south from here, so if your headaches, you will know whom to blame.

You may be the King of the North out to save the world from white walkers, Night King and Zombies, but I am the Queen of Seven Kingdoms, I have two full-grown Dragons, an army of Un-sullied, an army of savages Dortharaki’s……….

And a BLOODY HELL GOOD BOOK to read!

Oh My! Why so much ranting? Whatever happened to the sweet girl?

I told you, I hate reading…

I reach my office early, not that I want to. But for brevity sake, let’s just know that I get there a good half-an-hour before I should. And I find solace in the cafeteria. I look forward to reading what is happening next in Saleem Sinai life. Add to that, the reading done while commuting to the office, has already transported me to the pre-independence India, somewhere in Delhi, where Saleem Sinai’s mother has just made a public announcement of his existence.

Get this picture straight – Am deep down in the world of words.

You can only find me physically walking to the cafeteria, picking up a cup of coffee and settling down on a table with a book in hand, but in my mind, am not present in cafeteria. Am in Delhi.

Here is a visual, just so you get it straight.

girl and boy sitting in front of brown wooden coffee table
She doesn’t want your company buddy. She isn’t smiling for you. Get your own book.                  Photo by Zun Zun on Pexels.com

 

But the universe is full of people who have a head that talks. (rolling eyes) does not read. The cafeteria is mostly empty at this time but has few from this breed. They have their head full of thoughts that ought to be spoken out loud in the presence of another head.

And they join me on my table, the table where I already have a company. Of my book. I could almost bark- Can’t you see, I have a company?

This one here and it’s a bloody good company.

20190413_224722

But I didn’t bark. Or even Meow!

And so, I was interrupted by their life’s rumble about travel, office, kids, life ..blablabla. I was lending my ear but inside, I was cursing. You.

Sorry. Apology.  Forgive me, please.

It was supposed to be me-reading time. You are at the wrong table! Clearly.

When it happened the second time. I even gave a cue. Out-loud Or maybe I just murmured.

Me picked up my tea, headed to a table. *Spot* a “Hey! Person”, Ignore, ignore and grand Ignore ..

“Hey! Person”: Hey, Are you alone? .. I will bring my cup.

Me: Am not alone… (watching him go to coffee machine) (murmuring) I really don’t need a company. 

I hated him. With all my Heart, Kidney, Lung. Cumulative.

And then it all poured out of his mouth….

Forcing me to ask about his life. His commute. His work. But my mind was on the bookmark peeping out of my book placed neatly on the table. It will be only until the end of the day, a good ten hours before I could pick up my story 😦  

See, How can I not hate that “Hey! Person?”

Moral of the story. 

I have a book. I don’t need your company.

I have a book. I shouldn’t sit in the cafeteria, find a better place ( Heading to my desk, I realised we have a small pantry, crammed behind reception, on my floor, one down the cafeteria)

I have a book, sit in the pantry, hidden from all Hey! people.

Get the cue 😉 I don’t care!

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

A cheesy post for a non-cheesy man..

This post is gonna be really really cheesy. The sort that I don’t do often. In fact, I may never hit Publish.

But Since you are reading this and you are not me, so I must have hit “Publish”.

Lame, I know 😉

So, what makes this cheesy? Am gonna talk about Love, the goody-cuddly love and it is gonna sound like the love declarations from FB feed that I find so cheesy! I mean, You love your husband, tell him, don’t declare to whole wide FB world.

So this is how it goes.

Today ( This post is way too late, but let’s assume today is the day when) marks the 11th year of us being married. And we decided to lunch together since I couldn’t take time off office. We aren’t a couple to go out often. So going out is special. Luckily, I have switched job to a place very near to his office. So meeting for lunchtime was easy.

Now, this is important- I switched job recently, as recent as a month. and am adjusting to the new place. It is not a struggle, but living in past is my struggle.

It doesn’t help, that sometimes I miss my old colleagues. Life was much simpler and somehow happy. Life here is fantastic, but let’s say isn’t simple. You know the feeling when you are among loads of people, yet feel lonely sometimes even though you are so chatty in the head?

Like everything is just noise and you can hear the voice inside and outside your head. Or actually no voice, coz you are just bored and don’t want to think or listen.

I have this feeling during lunch time.

Of course, today wasn’t gonna be any different.

But hey it is different! I was going out with hubby.

We decided on a fancy restaurant just two blocks from my office. As I left office and walked toward the venue, I noticed everything is so much better here than the previous job-… the work, the garden, the office. Everything here is perfect.. but not familiar, not mine. It isn’t known. And with that feeling, I was spiraling down into the same silence 😦

And then I saw him, not where I expected. He had walked a couple of blocks more to reach me. To walk a distance little with me. In the mid of all unknown, I saw him with a cheesy smile.

And I was in love again. In a heartbeat. ♥ With him of course 😀

The feeling of familiarity was back. Am home and I can drop my shield and feel what I wanna feel. I could tell him what I miss. It felt good to be me, no pretentious.

We walked hand-in-hand like lovers, like first-timers who cant get hands off each other Awwww. lovely- cuddly told you 😉

And I enjoyed it, I enjoyed the comfort. He doesn’t even have to listen to me. It is just his presence that is a comfort. And tells me that I will go past this feeling, this chatty head.

I guess I really needed to see him.

And now to the blogosphere, perhaps to FB world too, Am gonna profess my love for my really really lazy-weekend-only-on-sofa husband of 11 years! Am glad you are here with me.

So this is really cheesy? Isn’t it?

I mean, what the hell – You love your husband, go tell him not write a post on blog 😉 next you will be sharing it on FB !

PS: The image is from our wedding, 11 years ago. Since then together we must have gained 200 Kgs. Isn’t that a #relationshipgoal!

The voices inside me today. And Yeah… Happy First Roza!

My voice speaks in italics.

Today is the first day of Ramzan/Ramadan. Am fasting. Means no food, no water from sunrise to sunset. I can eat as much as I like from sunset to sunrise (And then do not complain why the hell I didn’t lose weight, I was supposed to be that girl who lost weight in a month. Yes Girl.. not Lady)

No shitty thoughts too. No gossiping. No bitching. (I guess that is the true spirit of Ramzan)

No angry voice in the head. Be calm and peaceful. No hungry thoughts.

Remember no shitty thoughts.

Yeah right! Tell that to a mother of a 5-year old boy, staying with her sister who has twin boys.

Three boys under my roof. I wonder how my roof is holding up.

How to mute this boy? Strangling with just a little bit pressure?

“Hey, jumping jacks. That is a sofa, not the trampoline. I will throw you out of the 7th-floor window, let’s see how you bounce up.”

Remember no shitty thoughts.

Okay. Big and Bold.

Am fasting. yeah, yeah, you have heard me write that before.

So my internal organs are just napping right now. They must feel like me, my head and heart on the days when I have little or no work at the office.

Do nothing but just be there, just in case. Do the bare minimum. Check emails, Coffee-try-not-to-yawn- lunch-do-not-close-eyes-coffee-who-asked-you-to-eat-so-much-on-a-sleepy-day. Hurray. Time to go home.

Moving ahead. Voices inside me today.

Kidney guffawed. Yay.. no water, nothing to filter. Can I go back to watching Stomach? She looks very slim trim today ❤

Puff Kidney.If only it could work like that. Stomach slim trim from not eating for few hours.

Brain: Look at the kidney. Both of them! No load, absolutely no work. Why do I have to work alone? Grrrr Grudging

Release the pee signal. *Evil laugh*

37976078

Kidney- Really??

And am off to release the pee. Sitting on the commode, I do wonder. Truthfully. Cross my heart and hope to die.

Why am I peeing today? Where is this fluid coming from.. whose pee is this? OMG. Who do I have inside me eating?

Remember no shitty thoughts.

So Folks – Eat, drink and enjoy. But remember no shitty thoughts, no bad intentions, No grudges and no Grr.

Happy first Roza! Enjoy the look of it 😉

pepperoni pizza
Photo by Beqa Tefnadze on Pexels.com

Love it…then list it.

Rain. Barish. Definitely on top of my list.

Winter Sun. I love the warmth.

The warmth of my husband…He is hot!

The smile. The million dollar smile of my son, and his inane chatter.

The peace when the inane chatterer is finally asleep.

The sleeping chatterer and his peaceful face.Basically anything he does.

Food. At 1600 hours when am so hungry, I could eat a horse.

Food. At 1900 when am so hungry, I could eat an elephant a fish. I just had horse couple of hours back. I can’t be THAT hungry to eat an elephant now.

Sunrise. I guess. I actually haven’t seen one in a long time.

Bonfire. Only at home. During winters. Holding husband’s hand. Listening to inane chatter surrounded by my siblings and parent. Gosh, I really miss this.

Fish. When it is fried and added in curry.

Or Steamed.

Food seems to occur frequently in my list. Am I hungry now? Would everyone’s list have so much food?

The “Like” on my posts. Seriously. Thank you. Hit that like and remember to follow. Should I shamelessly ask more?

Poo and pee, especially after holding on for a long time. Whatever be the reason for holding.

Saying whatever and nevermind to annoy friend Tomas who hates any conversation that ends with whatever or nevermind.

Nevermind, he doesn’t read my blog. No point annoying my other pretty Readers. So Whatever, let’s continue with my list.

A night out with girl gang. Lollie-pollies, thank you for transforming me into a drunk dancer, saving my ass from the kitty-party-pout-selfies set up!

The left tilt of the weighing scale needle. Yay, am losing it!

Hot steamed white rice with ghee and aloo pitika (mashed potato).

I hope no one notices that the previous bullet is about food. Should I not write this post on an empty stomach. Do I see a pizza in the air?

Words. Fonts.

A resolved bug. Am surprised it is on my list. I do not want to be known as the IT girl.

Horror stories and the chit-chatting about the ghost. Are you sure there is no ghost in your apartment?

The call from a friend at 2230 hours to have cake. Home-made. Freshly baked. Nidhi , You rock 🎸

My phone showing Papa calling…

The bed. When it is all made neatly. Ready to engulf me.

Cuddling. Under a cover. Warm body.

Or Just me under a warm quilt/razai.

Sleeping late in the morning. Or just sleeping.

Chat at 3 am. Actually I hate that. Why can’t I sleep? Text at 3. Naaah.

Saturday and Sunday! Why don’t we have more of these days in a week? Like Mon, Sun, Tue, Sun, Wed, Sat, Thurs, Sat, Fri and then of course Sat-Sun. I stretched 7 days to 11 days. I think we can nip Monday. And Thursday too. And call it 9 days a week.

Book authored by John Green. When you stopped wishing things wouldn’t fall apart, you’d stop suffering when they did.

I swear, my husband would swear by that line. He is a certified non-sufferer. Contest open for anyone who can make him suffer. Prize money 1 million. I know I will make cool million.

Harry Potter movie. Add The Fantastic Beast to the list. Hindi Movie QueenLondon thumakta.

Assam. North East. India. Mountain.

The Big Bang Theory. And Friends. I will be there for you..

A long weekend. It’s coming soon…

Kaju-katli (Dry cashew nut sweet) and Mango (The king of the fruit). No one can eat just one. Summer is only good because of Mango.

Fart. Am so proud I could say that out loud. Technically I wrote. Didn’t say. Whatever.

Nevermind.Are you reading this? I sure do hope you do and be annoyed.

A good book. One that you cannot put down. Especially the last few chapters.

A walk in the rain. Even if it is silly. Amu- Do you remember our walk around apartment last monsoon. PS: Readers- Amu and I are NOT a thing together, although it would seem like two persons walking under rain as being a thing together.

Sunset, I always wished to have a dress that steals color from the setting sun.

The color of beetroot.

Capsicum and Bell Pepper.

Hey, Have you have lost weight…patli ho gaye hai” kind of greeting.

The coffee-time at the office.

The lunchtime at the office. Without A. He eats very slow. He is a sloth-like-eater. Actually, sloth will win.

Me and son jumping in front of the TV when the husband is insanely occupied into the TV.

Lotus. Always fascinated by this. Never seen one up close.

Color Green. It suits anyone, anything. Pleasant to eyes. One would say Blue. Whatever.

That should be all..for now. Nevermind my list. What are the things that you love the most? Make a list this valentine and be thankful.

❤💕💓💖💞💘💛💜💙💞💗👣

Image source…Google.

Karma is a bitch .

or probably a dog. I mean why bitch, why not a dog? My fellow feminist will agree.

I don’t care. Not for this post.So don’t turn away coz you smelt a feminist.

The point of this post is, Karma is indeed a bitch or dog or whatever you wanna call it if it can be called “it”.

Why?

Because that would explain, why my husband even being on the wrong side of all doing, gets his way around doing all things, the wrong way.

This case was a direct indication of Karma “Oh! Get it, lady, he is right, even though wrong.”

The Evidence

My husband never ever takes his towel to his bath.  He just conveniently whistles,open his door slightly, peeks out his head, extend his hand and I hush-phash-rush on that sound, hand him over his towel.  Please imagine it, because it is romantic. But do not imagine with my husband. Use your own. Back in days, when nothing else mattered than seeing your husband dripping wet, fresh, scented, I would wait for the whistle and rest is ahem ahem ahem.

Now the romance is replaced by war-room tactics, to get my son out of the door before his school bus honks! Breakfast – check. snack pack-check. Milk-check. Oh no ! I forgot his pencil box. Why the hell do you even take it out of the bag? Please imagine this too. With my son. I would surely welcome you to try and replace me someday. The morning 7 to 8 AM. And, In the middle of all this chaos, I have to answer his whistle. Every day, with strict notes “Take your towel with you….”.

I, on the other hand, never go to bathroom un-prepared. Towel – check. Blah blah blah – check. I do not whistle, do not disturb, do not need an attendee to attend to my bathroom calls.

Who should Karma support? The wife who is prepared, well planned or a husband who goes to take bath without his towel?

One day I decided to set things straight for good. There comes the usual whistle, and instead of usual rush to answer it, I ignored, said am busy and didn’t pass his towel for a good 10 minutes or so.

If he can’t do it himself, he better wait when I can. Lesson learned.

Or So I thought.

Happy in my accomplishment, I sent son off to school and set out to my morning duties.

And imagine what did I forget to bring with me? To my bath.

On the day,  when I thought I taught my husband a lesson in the morning duties.

 

37976078
This is my husband, while he waited patiently 15 minutes before passing me my towel. 

Karma -You are a bitch.

PJ and some blah blah.

I refuse to bow down to any allegation that I could be insidiously annoying this time of the month. I can prove that in none of the conversations, meetings or personal interactions I had this month, I was eating anyone’s brain.

“Oh my god, Am just out from a meeting with H and She was eating my brain over blah blah.”

Nope! That is a lie.

Am a perfect girl this season. One who is suddenly always a great listener, appreciative, conversationalist, never blah blah blahs. I just cannot annoy anyone.  For instance, WordPress is saying I have spam comments and I love these comments but it is all spam, I would not want them to be spam, but it is what it is and WordPress is shielding me,helping me and am not complaining…only hoping that someone selling cheap low Viagra online is also a veracious reader who while enhancing life surfs WordPress and comments on my post “Grade A stuff. I’m unquestionably in your debt.”  And instead of clicking on “Empty Spam” because WordPress says it is a spam , I bask in that “Grade A, huh .. I must be good“.

Where am I going with all this? Am not eating anyone’s brain…..I cannot be.

(Coughing) Sorry can’t type anymore .. I think I have some part of your brain stuck in my throat.

(Spitting out) But I cannot eat it .. am fasting. Roza.

Happy Ramadan.

Me with fork and knife – Sweetie, Is it time yet? let’s eat some brain  dates.

Image source

 

Just when I decided to quit eating sweet , Universe noticed Aha.

And my dear neighbor decided to learn to bake cakes !

Two. Chocolate and Pineapple.

With frosting. Pink !

Pineapple is my favorite !

True Story.

whatsapp-image-2016-12-06-at-10-06-52-pm

Universe : Victory! 

 

On the days when you don’t feel like cooking…

… you have permission to use my recipe, am gonna share with you.And thank me (profusely) later , which am sure you would (profusely).

Because not only am sharing a quick easy peasy recipe , am giving wings to ideas , one where you will find yourself spending less time in the kitchen and more time doing whatever shit you wanna do outside kitchen,without compromising on taste. Yes. This recipe is awesome!

Now , continue , without any more delays , Here it is

Drum rolls !

Cooking time , 20 minutes.

Actual cooking time , in the kitchen – 5 minutes.

  1. Get a packet of noodles and a packet of soup. Any soup , any noodle. I have these two in my storage. Veg Hakka Noodles and Chicken Delite Knorr Soup. 20160821_194834

 

  1. Find a deep pot , Boil water as per instructions on noodle packet. I didn’t wait long enough and added tomato , pea and then white sesame seeds for its looks! Handsome colors ha ?

Once the water starts boiling , add soup , stir it once.Avoid any lumps.

20160821_194640

  1. Once the soup powder is completely dissolved , add noodles. Add whatever veggie /chicken /meat residing in your  fridge. I added tomato , peas, paneer, green chilli , cauliflower blah blah blah. At this time , I missed boneless chicken a lot 😦 ,but what the hell , continue.

20160821_200938

 

  1. I peeked again into a fridge and found this leftover chickpea curry and awesome mint chutney. Moto is to add  whatever is left in your fridge. Get rid of that sauce lying there for a week , or the curry you no more like to have as is , blah blah !

20160821_194930

 

Now , your 5 minutes into the kitchen is over. Go out of this fire and water chamber , find something else to do , like reading this post , clicking on like and follow!

Check on the soupy noodle after some time and see if the consistency appeals you. Mine was appealing and this is how it look in the end.

20160821_201223

This was a few weeks ago , and I have already tried this twice , days when my cook ditched me and I was in no mood to cook which seems perpetual these days.

Go one , try it.

And , If by some bad karma , or past life sins , or sins of your forefathers , or sins of your neighbour ,   or sins of your friends , highly incapable and unqualified taste buds,  you didn’t like what you cooked by following my recipe, You are permitted to cuss me, call me names , but remember “Who made the dish? YOU! HIGH TIME , Take responsibility for your action !” <End of barking>

Happy eating!

Son , THAT is not what I meant.

Location : Assam – mountain , rain ,  waterfall.

Me : Adi , Look that is waterfall .. see how water is falling down ..waterfall.

Location : Tamini Ghat , again – mountain , rain ,  waterfall.

Me : Adi , yaad hai  (Remember this ?) a waterfall . Isn’t it lovely?

Location : Morning at Home  , Adi woke up with a full bladder.

Adi ( in the bathroom , naughty smile ) : Mummy , mummy Look waterfall !

Calvin peeing
Yes , this is Calvin peeing , expression reminded me of my Son showing his “waterfall” Image courtesy – Google.

 

Nope , nope , nope , no , no , no son ..nahi!

THAT ! is not what I meant!

When God wants , he just wants . He is quite stubborn that way!

The plan was great.. Sort of foolproof.

It was simple and it was based on facts , truth , stories and folklore and human behavior.

Husband and I , are made  for each other. And also  made of bones   lazy bones and flesh. If we could have our way , I will be reading , sleeping and fishing all day , all year long and he would , well (pause) , he would never ever even lift his finger.

PS : If you would ask him , he, of course, would deny , but remember you are my friend , not his. Whom would you trust ? Me or Him? If you said Him , Congratulations! You made it to my send-hitmen-to-hit list!

Moving ahead,

Like I said. We had planned it well. I always wanted a child. One who would be ours. My eyes , definitely my nose and his voice (only) . He will grow up to be a smart , handsome and very very resourceful boy.

Scene 1 : Me and husband watching TV , Need to change the channel , but remote is on the table at the far corner.

Me : Adi , Pass me that remote .

Adi will run , the boy wanna impress me with his speed. He will feel proud that I asked him something. He will rush , bring me the remote and I can see accomplishment in his eyes. Husband and I will clap Good Boy and hail him hero!

Doesn’t all 4-year-old love that? No kidding ! That is a fact.

Haven’t you ever asked any kid to open a water bottle? He will do it with pleasure.  And with more than one 4-year-old , there is a possibility of a riot, each vying for my attention and bring me my desire.

Scene 2 : Am reading , the window is open and the breeze is cool. I feel cold. Perhaps one should switch off the fan.hmm , I wonder who could help me with that?

Adi will run and boy !Am impressed …My Bolt.

This is his one growing phase  , I wish he would never grow out. I wish and it is my husband’s wish too. He is just waiting for the time when he can ask him to bring remote , water bottle , handle switches blah blah blah.

Meanwhile , up above the sky , God was listening. He understood us. He knew what we wanted. He had the exact kid in mind. He was happy to send him to us and we were thrilled to receive him!

Now the Reality.

Scene 2 : Am reading , the window is open and the breeze is cool. I feel cold. Perhaps one should switch off the fan.hmm , I wonder who could help me with that?

Me : Adi, please switch off the fan.

Adi who is playing just a hand away from fan switch , just few inches away  will look up and .

Adi (with curious eyes) : Why mummy ?

Me : coz its cold.

Adi ( with more curiosity): Why is it, cold mummy ?

Me : coz it’s breezy . The window is open. See kitni achi hawa

Adi (with the look of wtf) : Why is the window open?

Me : Coz I left it open? (I hope that will shut him up)

Adi (then it is clearly not my problem look) : Why did you leave it open ?

Me : I did not , but then if you would just reach out .. it is one in the middle.

Adi ( Are you insane) : But you just said you did. Why did you say so?

Me ( Did I say that ? ) : Ahem ahem .. I did say that because I thought ….that .. now it is the one in the middle. It is very breezy .. if you would just.

Adi (I have to get to the bottom of this issue) : What were you thinking mummy ?

….

After 10 minutes and 100 questions later .

I get up and switch off the fan. Yes , the one in the middle.

Meanwhile , up above the sky , God is feeling slightly more proud than he should be. If you ask me !

Thatsmyboy

 

 

How did scene 1 end in reality ? Don’t even get me started unless you are home and am watching TV and I need YOU to pass remote …

Grrrrrrr God ,

wehadadeal

 

PS: All images from google image search. Thank you letting me use!