Not by me.I prefer airlines, airports, long waits but no long drives. Guess am more of a destination person than the journey. Anyhow, what I don’t do, my husband does. I think he knows I… More
I refuse to bow down to any allegation that I could be insidiously annoying this time of the month. I can prove that in none of the conversations, meetings or personal interactions I had this month, I was eating anyone’s brain.
“Oh my god, Am just out from a meeting with H and She was eating my brain over blah blah.”
Nope! That is a lie.
Am a perfect girl this season. One who is
suddenly always a great listener, appreciative, conversationalist, never blah blah blahs. I just cannot annoy anyone. For instance, WordPress is saying I have spam comments and I love these comments but it is all spam, I would not want them to be spam, but it is what it is and WordPress is shielding me,helping me and am not complaining…only hoping that someone selling cheap low Viagra online is also a veracious reader who while enhancing life surfs WordPress and comments on my post “Grade A stuff. I’m unquestionably in your debt.” And instead of clicking on “Empty Spam” because WordPress says it is a spam , I bask in that “Grade A, huh .. I must be good“.
Where am I going with all this? Am not eating anyone’s brain…..I cannot be.
(Coughing) Sorry can’t type anymore .. I think I have some part of your brain stuck in my throat.
(Spitting out) But I cannot eat it .. am fasting. Roza.
Me with fork and knife – Sweetie, Is it time yet? let’s eat some
We are introducing my almost 5-year-old son to the holy month of Ramzan this year. He knows other festivals of India – won’t stop saying “Ganapati bappa moria” much to my embarrassment in front of my Muslim in-laws.He knows that Diwali is the time for diya, rangoli and crackers and Holi is all about colors and water.
He can even recognize Santa Claus and won’t stop singing Jingle bell, jingle bell – again to my embarrassment. By the way, I don’t know why am embarrassed. my in-laws are lovely people.
So we told him that this is the holiest month and he has to be a good boy. Sharing, caring and helping others.I write down all his good deeds in a diary daily and will show it to the Almighty Allah at the end of the month on Eid. If he finishes his meal, that counts too.
And in return, Allah will give him a gift on Eid. A big wonderful gift. A super-cool gift. It could be a supercar or a giant dinosaur. It could even be the spiderman figurine. How wonderful is that?
And the same goes for all of us. We get a nice gift if we behave well.
So this is how it goes at my home now…
“Mummy, what if Allah sleeps before I finish my meal, he wouldn’t know?” Allah, if you are listening, Aadil usual dinner time is 8-9 PM. Please do not sleep before 9. Nevertheless, I have the diary.
“What if Allah runs out of the gift and none is left for me ?” OMG! That would be scandalous..for all the pain the boy has taken in the month.
“Mummy, You are shouting – you will not get any gift.” Allah- You are all knowing and wise, you made me shout/scream… I did not. I deserve the gift.
“Papa, you are not playing with me – you will not get any gift.” Yes (raised fist) That will serve him right Allah, no gift for him.
All in all, am happy with the way Ramzan is going and I can’t wait to see the big smile on his face on the day of Eid when he gets his present (from Allah.)
Happy Ramzan everyone! I hope you may all celebrate this holy month by sharing, caring, and helping.
Me: Sweetie, am feeling really hot…Uff!
Sweetie aka husband: Why don’t you take off…….
And rest of the night spent in exercising and feeling hotter 😉
Me: Sweetie, am feeling really hot… Uff!
Sweetie aka husband: What is it set to ..? I told you to set it to 19 (irritatingly) give me the remote.
And rest of the night spent in adjusting AC setting.
Girls at my office eat only salad for lunch.
Girls. If I call them ladies, they might be offended 😉
Salad, only vegetarian like beet, cucumber, sprouts, broccoli .. blah blah. Most of them are vegetarian.I can hardly look at it.
At this point, I imagine many of my readers are offended – Hira, Veg-Salad is also as good as meat.
That’s a lie. And that’s a fact.
PS: I have a confession. I cannot leave any chance to take a dig at my vegetarian friends – on their face, on my blog, in my head (look at them being so excited about rajma-chawla. crazy!). I know I need to see a therapist, a vegetarian one. With a meat eating therapist, we might make more jokes….
“And then he ordered vegetarian biryani, ha ha ha” Pic source- Pixabay.
Come to think of it – I eat chicken, but they, the vegetarians eat the food that was meant for the hen and its family. Food that was to nourish other grass-eating animals. Where is the humanity when you snatch that food out of their plate into yours?
At least, am eating my food. Not others.
Now the counter argument could be how could I be better when I EAT chicken. That sounds even gross than eating the food they eat.
Let’s hear another fact. I eat chicken and fish. So I can only state about chicken and fish. And, I do not consider egg and milk as non-veg, just like many of my vegetarian friends.
“All chicken, all of them are born to be chicken curry or chicken fry or chicken roast blah blah. Chicken is not born to live the life to fullest.They serve a purpose, fulfill their destiny, now it’s time to be fried! By eating chicken, am just playing my part in the larger play of life.Chicken’s life.”
“As for fish, once they are out of the water, certainly cannot survive. I might as well eat to recycle the protein content. I mean, I cannot see food waste.”
Back to original conversation starter-
Girls at my office eat only salad for lunch.
If weight loss is in agenda, I wonder if they have noticed how Cows, Buffalo, Elephants are as compared to meat eating- Cheetah, Panther, Leopard? Hint: size. Pic source- Pixabay.
This eats only grass, just like you.
This eats meat and just look at that perfect figure, slender waist, lean legs and don’t get me started on stamina!
Moral of the post.
Follow cheetah’s diet if you wanna lose weight. Not elephant’s.
14th Feb was Valentine day. It is a silly day to celebrate love. Love should be celebrated every day. Not just one day. And with that one line, I sound bored.I know.
We sort of did. Yay ! The basic minimum. He got me a wonderful cake. He always gets me a cake. That is the least, I know his lazy bones does permit.
A cake on 14th Feb 2006:
Me: Oh Sweetie, I love you ❤
A cake on 14th Feb 2017
Me: Holly-Molly, there sits a kilo weight gain. Why couldn’t it be valentine sandwich?? What is wrong in that thought??!
On second thought- I think it is better Valentine is celebrated only once a year.
Nevermind the weight-gain. I had a bite, then another one, few more and few more and then stopped ..only to begin again. Look at the cake .. How can anyone stop after a bite, you must be very very cruel to not go for the second spoon of THAT?
Anyhow, moving ahead.
For the curious minds, the next question might be..”What did you do, ha? yeah, for him, on valentine? What did you get him?
I made a chapati, aka India bread. It came out pretty well. Can you see the shape? Cool,Eh 😀
For those of you, who couldn’t figure out what is pretty cool about that bread is.I will spell it out for you. It is a heart. A
Aha!Got it ? Eureka!
Shush, Now, listen, you observant folks. Very important. “Do not tell anyone that I cannot make perfect round roti aka Indian bread.” Do. Not. Nope. Zip your lips, sealed forever. Cross your heart and hope to die.
Especially, don’t go tell my husband it-wasn’t-intented-to-be-heart-shaped because what really matters is the shape at the end. And what is it? A heart.
So, Now folks, What do you think, which one is a better valentine must-have? (Hint: new age romance)
A heart shaped cake ( Naaah ..that is so 1947! Everyone does that since the big bang, cake, chocolate, flowers!)
A heart shaped roti (Now, that’s what I will call a symbol of love.. pure love and affection, very uncommon, very creative, very new age romance, every piece is unique!)
Gosh, Am so romantic. My husband must be feeling lucky.
And not hungry anymore.
At the office, my colleague AbhiSwami started an online chat with three of us. Him, me and SatyaSwami.
AbhiSwami : Hi
Me : Hello
AbhiSwami : Can we meet now to discuss the issue ..blah-blah-blah?
Me : sure, now?
SatyaSwami : Give me 10 minutes.
AbhiSwami : Ok
Me My Head:
“Give me 10 minutes” *pondering*, So what exactly is SatyaSwami implying?
Is it that to discuss the issue, he demand that both of us give him 10 minutes of (stress on next word) OUR time ( I capitalized it just so you see where am going) which will yield HIM 20 minutes of …..time, to be precise, my time. Did you see what he is doing? Blackmail ..In clear text, in broad daylight, at office?!? WTH SatyaSwami!
Chill lady head!
That could be the beginning of something fun. Hey! I have 20 minutes, got it from my colleagues.Sounds like you have wonderful colleagues….
So now that it is implied that AbhiSwami will give him his next 10 minutes, how will he give him that? Stand next to him. Sleep for next 10 minutes, so that SatyaSwami can do whatever he wanted to do without his colleague hovering over his shoulder “Take my 10 minutes”. Should I go join AbhiSwami *realizing he doesn’t know all this yet, certainly this is in my head*, Should I tell him Let’s go and give our time to SatyaSwami? He asked for it “Give me 10 minutes” and it is certainly no blackmail. I have pondered.
Interesting, So is “time” a commodity now? How shall I order it? Boy! Give me a cord, a
butter butcher butter knife, a hand glove, 100mg chloroform, a big gunny sack …. and a pack of 30 minutes?
*Pondering* What shall I do with this extra time and all the stuff along in my order?
Well, certainly if anyone gives me 30 minutes, You would find me on the bed under the quilt, in the morning, sleeping! I will keep the rest of the stuff in the gunny bag. What were you thinking? chloroform might comes handy at a time when the kid wouldn’t shut his eyes and my eyes won’t remain open!
Would AbhiSwami give me 10 minutes, if I ask? He seems content to give SatyaSwami…no complaint, no question asked. Just “Ok”.
More of blah blah blah…
After 10 minutes,
SatyaSwami pinged and we proceeded to discuss the issue.
Aha! So, That’s how I gave my time when he asked: “Give me 10 minutes”.But he didn’t take it… What a waste of time.
Now, The Epiphany 2.
And after, another 30 or so minutes of writing this.
*Me, Growling* SatyaSwami – YOU OWN ME 40 MINUTES !
Image source – pixabay. check pixabay , great , free pictures.
..no matter who, how, when and what the exact words are…
Son never ever wants his father to wash his bum after potty. Yes, wash bum, we Indians, I have to say proudly, wash our bum with water after the poo. Wiping is not our way. A wipe will never do for us. Nope sir, no, nahi, Wipe? I mean, I cannot fathom how does that is called a clean bum.
Nevermind, don’t tell me.
How is all this related to a compliment?
Patience is a virtue and am getting there. Read on. I have a feeble mind, get’s high with just any good words coming my way.
Son always wants me during his potty time. It’s a sort of compliment for a mother but not for this post.
Yesterday, as usual, he was busy prattling when sitting on the commode, I asked why he won’t let his papa wash his bum, why only me?
Because, mummy, you are thin and slim like my POTTY.
And, here comes the blush!
Wait, he compared me to potty? Ewwwww! Yuk!
Hey, wait, he said – thin and slim. Lemme highlight that – thin and slim.
That’s my boy! I can wash his bum forever, and ever, and ever.
I have been thinking after reading numerous wishes I have received in last 24 hours. Everyone suddenly seems to be sincerely wishing me love, peace, happiness, and prosperity for the new year ahead. Are you listening to all this Universe – You have got a job to do!
Hmm, Something tells me that love, peace, happiness .. is all perspective. God will be confused,
he She has no time to read between lines, and given the amount of request perhaps it would be better if my friends could send me wishes, telling exactly what to do. Anything could go wrong in sending love,peace and happiness my way!
God: Hmm, Someone sent her happiness – So should I send a puppy or give a flat tummy? Hell .. I have got plenty to do ..let’s just send her a puppy.
Noooooooooooooo ! It’s the other one lady!
To all my wonderful readers, visitor, bloggers, followers, if you have not send any wishes, read and you will know what you have say. Be precise 😉
On top of my list, and that of everyone else
“May you get a waistline that will fit you into size
XS, S (Alright, I will be practical) M size!”
Head: Something tells me this will be wish of 90% of people of ladies on planet earth, which might be too much for God to handle and also that am writing this very late, I might be already at the bottom of wish list, but I could certainly outwit if everyone wishes me this, certainly the number of messages counts ! See there are lots of these waistline messages, let’s just do it and get the hell out of her list.
May your dinner plate have a constant supply of chicken,
mutton keema, and pan fried spice wrapped fish fry, and on the days when dinner looks green and veggie, the universal-power-of-meat magically turns every veg mouth-full into chicken-curry/fish-fry mouth-full!
May you get super-eyes that can burn your calories just by “looking” at the person running on the treadmill. Just a stare and there 100 calories gone! Evil laugh
May your husband learns to put the SUPER WET towel on the clothesline, NOT, definitely NOT on the bed.
May your son learns to keep his mouth shut during poo, I swear I do not find his Look mummy, that is bada(fat) potty, this is chota(small) potty talks cute anymore!
May you win a lotto to visit Venice and a wonderful nanny to take care of your son at home (definitely not with you), while you and husband live your dream of Gondola ride where you are singing at the top of voice THE song that made you fall in love with Venice!
May your husband shaves his beard every day, each and every of 365 days ahead, such that it no more render half of his face area useless, giving him a powerful weaponry to annoy me just by brushing it off my face whenever I plan to annoy him and he wants to scare me away. Trust me, you do not want to feel those little prickly hair monster and loose a game of I-can-outsmart-you with your partner.
May you get to walk in the rain, under the umbrella, big enough to hold you and your husband together, but small to keep you both close. AFTER he has put his towel on the clothesline and shaved his beard.
May you never hold onto the feeling of I need to pee immediately outside the bathroom door contemplating if it would be rude to knock while some lady is possibly just looking through her facebook feeds and planning her next selfie – a pout with beauty mode ON to make her skin glowing like a light bulb.
May the days and nights of the weekend be longer than weekdays. And that your days be filled with absolutely nothing but a bed and pillow.If that is a subject, then be the subject matter expert in it.
May WordPress gives you a free domain! Yay!
And as for new year resolution, I have tried , revised and finally made peace with what Calvin says.
Just when I decided to quit eating sweet , Universe noticed Aha.
And my dear neighbor decided to learn to bake cakes !
Two. Chocolate and Pineapple.
With frosting. Pink !
Pineapple is my favorite !
Universe : Victory!
Coming back to work , after a heavy lunch at a fine-dine restaurant , on a Friday , sponsored by the office , I learned a great deal about human anatomy.
When stomach is full up to the brim , brain stops functioning.
Mind is in trance and human body is capable of sleep walker-talker-worker.
Would you say Zombie – Stage 1 ??