Then

Me: Sweetie, am feeling really hot…Uff!
Sweetie aka husband: Why don’t you take off…….
And rest of the night spent in exercising and feeling hotter ūüėČ

Now

Me: Sweetie, am feeling really hot… Uff!
Sweetie aka husband: What is it set to ..? I told you to set it to 19 (irritatingly) give me the remote.
And rest of the night spent in adjusting AC setting.

True story.

How to spend 10 minutes, rather waste 10, & then another 30 blogging about it.

At the office, my colleague AbhiSwami started an online chat with three of us. Him, me and SatyaSwami.

AbhiSwami  : Hi

SatyaSwami: Hi

Me                  : Hello

AbhiSwami  : Can we meet now to discuss the issue ..blah-blah-blah?

Me                      : sure, now?

SatyaSwami  : Give me 10 minutes.

AbhiSwami  : Ok

Me  My Head:

“Give me 10 minutes” *pondering*, So what exactly is SatyaSwami implying?

Is it that to discuss the issue, he demand that both of us give him 10 minutes of (stress on next word) OUR ¬†time ( I capitalized it just so you see where am going) ¬†which will yield HIM 20 minutes of …..time, to be precise, my time. Did you see what he is doing?¬†Blackmail ..In clear text, in broad daylight, at office?!? WTH SatyaSwami!

Chill lady head! 

That could be the beginning of something fun. Hey! I have 20 minutes, got it from my colleagues.Sounds like you have wonderful colleagues….¬†

Yes!

So now that it is implied that AbhiSwami will give him his next 10 minutes, how will he give him that? Stand next to him. Sleep for next 10 minutes, so that SatyaSwami can do whatever he wanted to do without his colleague hovering over his shoulder “Take my 10 minutes”. Should I go join AbhiSwami *realizing he doesn’t know all this yet, certainly this is in my head*, Should I tell him Let’s go and give our time to SatyaSwami? He asked for it “Give me 10 minutes” and it is certainly no blackmail. I have pondered.

Interesting, So is “time” a commodity now? ¬†How shall I¬†order it? Boy! Give me a cord, a butter¬†¬†¬†butcher¬† butter knife, a hand glove, 100mg chloroform, a big gunny¬†sack …. and a pack of 30 minutes?

*Pondering* What shall I do with this extra time and all the stuff along in my order?

Well, certainly if anyone gives me 30 minutes, ¬†You would find me on the bed under the quilt, in the morning, sleeping! I will keep the rest of the stuff in the gunny bag. ¬†What were you thinking? chloroform might comes¬†handy at a¬†time when the¬†kid wouldn’t shut his eyes and my eyes won’t remain open!

Would AbhiSwami give me 10 minutes, if I ask? He seems content to give SatyaSwami…no complaint, no question asked. Just “Ok”.

More of blah blah blah…

After 10 minutes,

SatyaSwami pinged and we proceeded to discuss the issue.

The Epiphany.

Aha! So, That’s how I gave my time when he asked: “Give me 10 minutes”.But he didn’t take it… What a waste of¬†time.¬†

Now, The Epiphany 2.

And after, another 30 or so minutes of writing this.

*Me, Growling* SatyaSwami – YOU OWN ME 40 MINUTES !

Image source – pixabay. check pixabay , great , free pictures.

A compliment is a compliment

..no matter who, how, when and what the exact words are…

Son never ever wants his father to wash his bum after potty. Yes, wash bum, we Indians, I have to say proudly, wash our bum with water after the poo. Wiping is not our way. A wipe will never do for us. Nope sir, no, nahi, Wipe? I mean, I cannot fathom how does that is called a clean bum.

Nevermind, don’t tell me.

How is all this related to a compliment?

Patience is a virtue and am getting there. Read on. I have a feeble mind, get’s high with just any good words coming my way.

Son always wants me during his potty time. It’s a sort of compliment for a mother but not for this post.

Yesterday, as usual, he was busy prattling when sitting on the commode, I asked why he won’t let his papa wash his bum, why only me?

Because, mummy, you are thin and slim like my POTTY. 

And, here comes the blush!

Wait, he compared me to potty? Ewwwww! Yuk!

Hey, wait, he said – thin and slim. Lemme highlight that – thin and slim.

That’s my boy! I can wash his bum forever, and ever, and ever.

 

Wishes for New Year!

I have been thinking after reading numerous wishes I have received in last 24 hours. Everyone suddenly seems to be sincerely wishing me love, peace, happiness, and prosperity for the new year ahead.  Are you listening to all this Universe РYou have got a job to do!

Hmm, Something tells me that love, peace, happiness .. is all perspective. God will be confused, he She has no time to read between lines, and given the amount of request perhaps it would be better if my friends could send me wishes, telling exactly what to do. Anything could go wrong in sending love,peace and happiness my way!

God: ¬†Hmm, Someone sent her happiness – So should I send a¬†puppy or give a flat tummy? Hell .. I have got plenty to do ..let’s just send her a puppy.¬†

Noooooooooooooo ! It’s the other one lady!

To all my wonderful readers, visitor, bloggers,¬†followers,¬†if you have not send any wishes, read and you will know what you have say. Be precise ūüėČ

On top of my list, and that of everyone else 

“May you get a waistline that will fit you into size¬†XS, ¬†¬†S (Alright, I will be practical) M size!”

Head: Something tells me this will be wish of 90% of people of ladies on planet earth, which might be too much for God¬†to handle and also that am writing this very late, I might be already at the bottom of wish list, but I could certainly outwit if everyone wishes me this, certainly the number of messages¬†counts ! See there are lots of these waistline messages, let’s just do it and get the hell out of her list.

May your dinner plate have a constant supply of chicken, mutton   keema, and pan fried spice wrapped fish fry, and on the days when dinner looks  green and veggie, the universal-power-of-meat magically turns every veg mouth-full into chicken-curry/fish-fry mouth-full!

May you get super-eyes that can burn your calories just by “looking” at the person running on the treadmill. Just a stare and there 100 calories gone! ¬†Evil laugh

May your husband learns to put the SUPER WET towel on the clothesline, NOT, definitely NOT on the bed.

May your son learns to keep his mouth shut during poo, I swear I do not find his Look mummy, that is bada(fat) potty, this is chota(small) potty talks cute anymore!

May you win a lotto to visit Venice and a wonderful nanny to take care of your son at home (definitely not with you), while you and husband live your dream of Gondola ride where you are singing at the top of voice THE song that made you fall in love with Venice!

May your husband shaves his beard every day, each and every of 365 days ahead,  such that it no more render half of his face area useless, giving him a powerful weaponry to annoy me just by brushing it off my face whenever I plan to annoy him and he wants to scare me away. Trust me, you do not want to feel those little prickly hair monster and loose a game of I-can-outsmart-you with your partner.

May you get to walk in the rain, under the umbrella, big enough to hold you and your husband together, but small to keep you both close. AFTER he has put his towel on the clothesline and shaved his beard.

May you never hold onto the feeling of I need to pee immediately outside the bathroom door contemplating if it would be rude to knock while some lady is possibly just looking through her facebook feeds and planning her next selfie – a pout with beauty mode ON to make her skin glowing like a light bulb.

May the days and nights of the weekend be longer than weekdays. And that your days be filled with absolutely nothing but a bed and pillow.If that is a subject, then be the subject matter expert in it.

May WordPress gives you a free domain! Yay!

And as for new year resolution, I have tried , revised and finally made peace with what Calvin says.

167be9d717ee74cd076d0126c667d6ab

 

 

Just when I decided to quit eating sweet , Universe noticed Aha.

And my dear neighbor decided to learn to bake cakes !

Two. Chocolate and Pineapple.

With frosting. Pink !

Pineapple is my favorite !

True Story.

whatsapp-image-2016-12-06-at-10-06-52-pm

Universe : Victory! 

 

Coming back to work , after a heavy lunch at a fine-dine restaurant , on a Friday  , sponsored by the office , I learned a great deal about human anatomy.

When stomach is full up to the brim  , brain stops functioning.

Mind is in trance and human body is capable of sleep walker-talker-worker.

Would you say Zombie – Stage 1 ??

Shit happens, On a train , Jokes fell flat, train moves on .. husband at his best!

Husband and I , traveling by train. Sitting  , side-by-side.

He is reading a newspaper ,  and am looking out of the window.

Utterly bored. 

Me ( with 1000 watts smile , when an idea worth 1000 watts stuck me) :

Let’s just pretend , we don’t know each other. Am with my son and you are a stranger. And here is the fun part¬†–You are hitting on me! Imagine that. I will pretend to frown , roll my eyes , ignore you , but you will persist , push conversations..smile. blah blah

After 2 minutes , I have already improvised , and continue blabbing . 

Better, I will script it. We will start when I will ask you “What is the time , Sir” , and you will take it as a¬†cue …you will answer but continue talking..ask personal questions, play with my son.. ..¬†..¬†blah blah …be really friendly … try to impress me … try to make a joke … funny line .. act intellectually .. hoping I will be impressed .. nervous to ask me ..

After 2 minutes ,More blah blah…¬†

So , are you ready? Shall we start the act?

I adjust my dress , hair , take a sip , pretend to be super -busy and ..

Light , Camera , Action

Me: Hello Sir, what is the time?

Husband (wtf-who-the-hell-are-you ) :I DON’T TALK TO STRANGER.

who-the-hell-are-you
The end of the conversation where he was gonna impress me and I was gonna ignore him 

Shit happens, on train , jokes fell flat, train moves on ….And am like..

wehadadeal

On the days when you don’t feel like cooking…

… you have permission to use my recipe,¬†am gonna share with you.And thank me (profusely) later , which am sure you would (profusely).

Because not only am sharing a quick easy peasy recipe , am giving wings to ideas , one where you will find yourself spending less time in the kitchen and more time doing whatever shit you wanna do outside kitchen,without compromising on taste. Yes. This recipe is awesome!

Now , continue , without any more delays , Here it is

Drum rolls !

Cooking time , 20 minutes.

Actual cooking time , in the kitchen Р5 minutes.

  1. Get a packet of noodles and a packet of soup. Any soup , any noodle. I have these two in my storage. Veg Hakka Noodles and Chicken Delite Knorr Soup. 20160821_194834

 

  1. Find a deep pot , Boil water as per instructions on noodle packet. I didn’t wait long enough and added tomato , pea and then white sesame seeds for its looks! Handsome colors ha ?

Once the water starts boiling , add soup , stir it once.Avoid any lumps.

20160821_194640

  1. Once the soup powder is completely dissolved¬†, add noodles. Add whatever veggie /chicken /meat residing in your ¬†fridge. I added tomato , peas, paneer, green chilli , cauliflower blah blah blah. At this time , I missed boneless chicken a lot ūüė¶ ,but what the hell , continue.

20160821_200938

 

  1. I peeked again into a fridge and found this leftover chickpea curry and awesome mint chutney. Moto is to add  whatever is left in your fridge. Get rid of that sauce lying there for a week , or the curry you no more like to have as is , blah blah !

20160821_194930

 

Now , your 5 minutes into the kitchen is over. Go out of this fire and water chamber , find something else to do , like reading this post , clicking on like and follow!

Check on the soupy noodle after some time and see if the consistency appeals you. Mine was appealing and this is how it look in the end.

20160821_201223

This was a few weeks ago , and I have already tried this twice , days when my cook ditched me and I was in no mood to cook which seems perpetual these days.

Go one , try it.

And , If by some bad karma , or past life sins , or sins of your forefathers , or sins of your neighbour , ¬† or sins of your friends , highly incapable and unqualified taste buds, ¬†you didn’t like what you cooked by following¬†my recipe, You are permitted to cuss me, call me names , but remember “Who made the dish? YOU! HIGH TIME , Take responsibility for your action !” <End of barking>

Happy eating!

Son , THAT is not what I meant.

Location : Assam Рmountain , rain ,  waterfall.

Me : Adi , Look that is waterfall .. see how water is falling down ..waterfall.

Location : Tamini Ghat , again ‚Äď mountain , rain , ¬†waterfall.

Me : Adi , yaad hai  (Remember this ?) a waterfall . Isn’t it lovely?

Location : Morning at Home  , Adi woke up with a full bladder.

Adi ( in the bathroom , naughty smile ) : Mummy , mummy Look waterfall !

Calvin peeing
Yes , this is Calvin peeing , expression reminded me of my Son showing his “waterfall” Image courtesy – Google.

 

Nope , nope , nope , no , no , no son ..nahi!

THAT ! is not what I meant!

Vegan friends , I feel your pain!

Scene : Dinner time , no chicken , no fish , not every egg. Okra fry and Indian bread. My life sucks!

Suddenly  , I feel a pain in my heart. OMG ! Am I having a heart attack?

My head tries to focus on food , trying best to relish it , but my heart has given up. So you see “the” heart attack.

This is how blabbing goes…

I have always felt pain and sorry for vegans. I mean , what do you get to eat as vegetarians? I see them jumping at paneer dish , craving for chole-batura.

Oh my ! What a pity …Have they ever tasted keema rolls??

Head : .. You seriously can’t be saying this ? ¬†

No , no , I do. really. With all my heart , I feel for them. A good vegan food is an oxymoron.

Head: Oh C’ON¬†, veggie is good.

I know I should not be saying this on a public post , I will get backlash from all my vegan fan following..Sign! Not to mention my vegan friends.

Head: fan? Do you mean the ceiling fan ….. ha ha ha I mean this is your best joke ever!

Ignoring head , he is a nut….

Head: You are confused again, I am you , your head. I cannot be He. Wrong pronoun lady. Again!

How can you be Me, you just advocated for vegans!

Head: You do know capsicum is your favourite. You like Began ka bharta and Aloo pitika is the best mashed potato in the world!

So, I have few favourite. But I cannot live on veg alone , I mean I need chicken , egg or fish.

My refrigerator needs protein , and so does my stomach.

My liver needs to filter some chicken soup and my eyes are looking out for surmai fish , covered with semolina , soaked in masala , ting of lemon juice,  cooked slowly on a pan with mustard oil . Aaah !

I hate my dinner . And my vegan friends , I will show some solidarity and be happy and jump at paneer butter masala , but my true love will always be ..

Head (to his fans   vegan fans ) : This is not my heart!