I miss you Ma.

and I never told you this and I needn’t tell you this ever because you already know this.

She is a Super-Woman or an analogy closer home – The Durga Mata. I guess every mother is, mine isn’t any different.

And it hugely annoys me that she can’t leave that stupid home of hers and come live with me for an infinite time. That she is not here with me when I come back to home with a refreshing glass of Nimbo Pani/cold drink on hot days. Or listen to how my day had been. Or waiting to have a meal with all of us. That she isn’t here to mend my dress or fix my cold. Just like she was during my school days.

I left home when I was 17 or 18esh.. for further studies. Meh! And then I never went back. I completed my studies, met my husband, got married, visited home once or twice a year. And that’s how it has been since.¬†

So literally, I have been missing her since I was 17.

I tell my husband, I was just bored with living out of the hostel, being a paying-guest, being with room-mates, the nomadic life of living away from home, that I agreed to marry him. I needed a home of my own. If I had been living with my Ma, my story would probably have been different. His reply “kidnap kar leta tujhko ūüėČ

That is utterly romantic ‚̧ . So I know I was destined to marry him, to have a life that I have now.¬†I married the right guy.

But that doesn’t stop me from imagining.

I imagine a different course of my existence. One where I never left home, where am married closer home, where am with them for every festival, every small occasion, every birthday and anniversary. Where I don’t have to plan my vacation months in advance, book flight tickets. I imagine just booking a cab/ or driving to her home. I imagine picking up my bag and heading home, I imagine exchanging Meklahe Sadar with her, gossiping, cooking meals together.

None of which I can ever do in this lifetime.

All of which my sister is lucky to get with her. Damn!

Why don’t I?¬† I remember a conversation I had with Pa when he said, why can’t I do all that and more? Why can’t I just pick up my bag, book a flight and come home? Isn’t that the reason why I left home in the first place? So I could be independent and follow what I really desire.

Am blabbing. No one will probably get this. I don’t get this. Why can’t I do that? Why am I pissed on the days that remind me of her? (Am pretty sure this is as my sis is visiting her for a month long vacation and am sweating out here).

Everyone leaves home for a better life. I have a better life. Am not the first person to do so. I have no reason for not just booking up the flight and reaching Ma. I don’t know why can’t I manage that now?

Today is Mother’s day and am surrounded by the content this day has generated on every feed, every chat, every social media. Do we need a special day for Mother?

No, A Mother is special every-day.

Yes, because I never told her how awesome she has been, how much she had worked all her prime and how much she needs to think about herself now.

Even so, I don’t want her to think of herself. I want her to be my side. Living in the same city that I am. Not this far.

Now,¬†We¬†They have a wonderful house at Assam. It is my parent’s blood and sweat. Their dream home and they moved into that place after my father’s retirement, which was much later after my wedding.

I live so far from her, that I no more dump my sob story on her, I feel a bit protective of her. Shielding her from my downs. I guess living on my own since 17 has made me as independent as my parents wanted.

Now that am a mother, I know I will always be there for my son. I don’t believe in long distance love ūüėČ he will have a hard time moving away from my nest.

But then he is a boy. A girl pines for her parent and a boy, well just don’t care. Sorry Boys ūüėȬ†¬†

I called Ma today and she was utterly busy with my sister and her twins. She was worried about my brother and she was going to cook dinner, fixing yard with Pa as a storm is approaching.

Day as usual for her.

Happy Mother’s Day Ma. I miss you.

Here is a Mother’s Day special from my 6-year-old boy. Aah.. he will never know the joy of leaving home. Literally ūüėČ

Son: “Ma, What does comes first..the wedding or the kid?”

And my toughened Indian middle-class upbringing screams:
“Wedding son, definitely wedding! “

#HappyMothersDay

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Me: Adi, Don’t talk on the table. Nadi ho jao (Quite like a river)

He is my insane little chatterer and sometimes I wanna cap it! Just shut up boy!

Adi : Okay.

Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack!

Me: What now?

Adi : Mummy river has ducks!
And I give up!

Am still his favourite, despite everything.

Am a strict mother these days. Most days, am not. Meeting the supply with the demand. My son has his first first-grade school assessment coming up next week tomorrow. Maths. English, English dictation and Environment Science. But he is not showing any interest in preparing himself to be assessed. I really envy mother who has THE kid, natural in studies. (Are you reading this neighbour?)

On most of the days, I have no patience with a first-grade kid. I do not sit with him for his school work. That is the only job for my better half. He is a master. I do feel, Husband is disposable when he is around the house.¬† But clearly, I need him when there is an assessment next week… Get your butt here soon!¬† Puff! But he isn’t here this week.

So there I was, on the last weekend. Sitting along with my son, with practice sheets and prayers to God “Please give me the strength to make it alive till the end of this¬†hour¬†these 10 minutes and not strangle him.” Every 10 minutes, I remind myself. He is my only son. Be a saint, DO NOT kill.¬†

He clearly wants to escape.¬† Actually me too. Both of us. But Life is cruel. Doesn’t give us what we want. I hope he understood that last weekend.

Do not judge me. Before you imagine me as a  fat-rat matron holding a stick, wearing a printed knee-length frock and thick-framed black spectacles conducting a reign of terror, try spending 10 minutes with a boy who is more interested in super-hero than vowels of English.

10 minutes. Only. With a six-year-old who imagines wand in a pencil, the erasure as a transformer disguised and living among us in plain sight, who have to pee because I asked him the spelling of piled.  What?! pencil is to write notes? I thought it is a magic wand with the black core from kryptonite!

Don’t blame him though.¬† English is a weird language.

For instance,¬† Why the hell Silent letter? Silent K in Knew.¬† And wait, this gets better on the Island. There! A letter, an alphabet sitting right there, not making any sound. Just being there. Silently. The same S when added to “ex” becomes one hot cake bun.¬† Or , Don’t get me even started about Queue. That is just one letter Q. What are the others doing there? Did the person doze off with one hand on u, other on e?

So now I have to know why K is silent in Knew but not Clock.

Me: “Listen to the sound Adi, K, clock ends with K.”

Son: But Mummy ..K is silent. 

Oh Boy! Not in every word honey. That will be like a totally deaf alphabet. No sound.

Imagine how many zillions of space, wordpress would have saved, if it weren’t for these notorious silent letters. They exist but only in bytes. Taking up space but producing no sound.

That was English. Maths seems like a good boy. I mean, the subject is all logical, Right? Wrong. What the hell number-names doing here….legacy of English gf?. I mean who writes forty, repeat. forty and not 40 these days?

Meh! On the cheque lady? Hmm. Okay. But still. All the number names, just teach so he can write me a thousand dollar cheque every month. I only need that much. Teach him that. Did you notice the silent “ue” in there, with that condescending mind..won’t make a noise, these aren’t worth our talk.

So that was my Sunday.

At the end of the day, It was time for bed. The teacher was out of my system and mother was in, the guilty mother who punished her child and raised voice a bit longer than desired. He was almost asleep. Eyes closed and heavy breathing.

I said ” Adi, Maine aaj aap pe bahut gussa hui na ? Was I too angry at you today?”

Barely had these words left me and could reach my son sleeping next, I heard him reply. Yes. I signed. This is gonna be tough. All I wanted to tell him how much I love him and how important is reading, writing and learning and other parenting stuff.. yada yada yada blablabla.

Me: “But, You know that I love you no bounds. Right?”

No answer.

Who is my favourite boy in the whole world?

He raised his head enough to show me his smile: Me!

Him again barely 2 secs later.Or may be less than a sec: And you are my favourite person Mummy!

‚̧¬†¬†

My heart just melted. And I relaxed. probably the first time on that hard day.

The best part of being Ma is the love I get from my little man, No matter, how much I keep him away from his playtime and his super-hero, in the end, am forgiven and loved again.¬†Any adult would have labelled me lunatic for life, but for my son, Am still his favourite ‚̧

 

 

 

Happy Ramzan…

Happy Ramzan.

We are introducing my almost 5-year-old son to the holy month of Ramzan this year. He knows other festivals of India – won’t stop saying “Ganapati bappa moria” much to my embarrassment¬†in front of my Muslim¬†in-laws.He knows that Diwali is the time for diya, rangoli¬†and crackers and Holi is all about colors and water.

He can even recognize Santa Claus¬†and won’t stop singing Jingle bell, jingle bell – again to my embarrassment. By the way,¬†I don’t know why am embarrassed. my in-laws¬†are lovely people.¬†

So we told him that this is the holiest month and he has to be a good boy. Sharing, caring and helping others.I write down all his good deeds in a diary daily and will show it to the Almighty Allah at the end of the month on Eid. If he finishes his meal, that counts too.

And in return, Allah will give him a gift on Eid. A big wonderful gift. A super-cool gift. It could be a supercar or a giant dinosaur. It could even be the spiderman figurine. How wonderful is that?

And the same goes for all of us. We get a nice gift if we behave well.

So this is how it goes at my home now…

“Mummy, what if Allah sleeps before I finish my meal, he wouldn’t¬†know?” Allah, if you are listening, Aadil usual dinner time is 8-9 PM. Please do not sleep before 9. Nevertheless, I have the diary.

“What if Allah runs out of the gift and none is left for me ?” OMG! That would be scandalous..for all the pain the boy has taken in the month.¬†

“Mummy, You are shouting – you will not get any¬†gift.” ¬†Allah- You are all knowing and wise, you made me shout/scream… I did not. I deserve the gift.

“Papa, you are not playing with me – you will not get any¬†gift.”¬†Yes (raised fist) That will serve him right Allah, no gift for him.

All in all, am happy with the way Ramzan is going and I can’t wait to see the big smile on his face on the day of Eid when he gets his present (from Allah.)

Happy Ramzan everyone! I hope you may all celebrate this holy month by sharing, caring, and helping.

4 years 4 month
This was the pic taken when he turned 4 years, 4 month and 4 days, when we celebrated his Bismillah ceremony. I was so nervous that he is not gonna repeat the verses read out to him, but he did! Without any fuss, he sat through it and made be really proud that day.

Yes son , you are so yummy , I ate you!

 

14th August,2012

I saw him first , 4 years ago. My first feeling ¬†“Why is he so tiny? Doc said he will be above 3 kilos. Look at his nose , his eyes , he looks like my papa!” and I was hooked.

Ever since then, I haven’t stopped loving him , falling head over heels with this little man every single day. The kind of love I have for him , actually surprise me. That am capable of loving someone so much. And the best part is¬†I get love in return,so much more than I could imagine. The little man loves me , adores me , lights me up with his voice. He does everything right , at least to me. Believe it or not , a mother¬†can feel , actually literally feel her child’s physical pain. I did for , possibly first two years. And stopped only after he started faking his pain to¬†mess with me , or to get attention ,or just to be naughty.

Every year , I tell myself “Oh this is the best phase, I wish he would never grow out of this (phase). ” And he amazes me with his next milestone.

Yesterday, a day before he turned 4 , he finished his rice plate himself, on his own . The waiter at biryani house gave him a plate ,a little spoon and he started eating himself. Before I could help , which I do usually, my husband shushed me and I watched him use a spoon and eat rice-biryani , from the corner of my eyes , heart thumping in excitement (I swear these motherly hormones behave crazily stupid someday , what is so exciting ? he is only eating rice with spoon???!) . Well , that was just once but it is a start.

We celebrated his 4th birthday today ,on 14th Aug , aka the day I meant to publish this post. Happy Birthday, Son <3. I will always love you. I cannot help , but love you all my life.

His take on turning 4 ” So am I as big as papa now?

So , now to come back to the title of this post. 

Me: Happy Birthday Adi , wow you are a big 4-year old now!

Adi : Why ?

Really ?! “why” that is the response..? The perpetual stream of “Why” ¬†from kid these days!.¬†

Me : Because , 4 years ago, you were born from my tummy son.

Adi :  Kyoun ? Aap mujhe kha gaye the kya mummy? Mummy , Did you eat me up ?

Ahem , ahem, So how he ended up in my tummy at first place! Good question.

Me (Hugging him tightly) : Yes , You are very very yummy Adi , so I ate you ūüôā , And now am gonna eat you again ……..

2016-08-16 12.57.54
He refuses to pose for the camera ¬†, this pic was taken a few months ago and the best one I have. Believe it or not , he is the love of my life and I don’t¬†even have a proper pic to share.

When God wants , he just wants . He is quite stubborn that way!

The plan was great.. Sort of foolproof.

It was simple and it was based on facts , truth , stories and folklore and human behavior.

Husband and I , are made  for each other. And also  made of bones   lazy bones and flesh. If we could have our way , I will be reading , sleeping and fishing all day , all year long and he would , well (pause) , he would never ever even lift his finger.

PS : If you would ask him , he, of course, would deny , but remember you are my friend , not his. Whom would you trust ? Me or Him? If you said Him , Congratulations! You made it to my send-hitmen-to-hit list!

Moving ahead,

Like I said. We had planned it well. I always wanted a child. One who would be ours. My eyes , definitely my nose and his voice (only) . He will grow up to be a smart , handsome and very very resourceful boy.

Scene 1 : Me and husband watching TV , Need to change the channel , but remote is on the table at the far corner.

Me : Adi , Pass me that remote .

Adi will run , the boy wanna impress me with his speed. He will feel proud that I asked him something. He will rush , bring me the remote and I can see accomplishment in his eyes. Husband and I will clap Good Boy and hail him hero!

Doesn’t all 4-year-old love that?¬†No kidding ! That is a fact.

Haven’t you ever asked any kid to open a¬†water bottle? He will do it with pleasure. ¬†And with more than one 4-year-old , there is a possibility of a riot, each vying for my attention and bring me my desire.

Scene 2 : Am reading , the window is open and the breeze is cool. I feel cold. Perhaps one should switch off the fan.hmm , I wonder who could help me with that?

Adi will run and boy !Am impressed¬†…My Bolt.

This is his one growing phase ¬†, I wish he would never grow out. I wish and it is my husband’s wish too. He is just waiting for the time when he can ask him to bring remote , water bottle , handle switches blah blah blah.

Meanwhile , up above the sky , God was listening. He understood us. He knew what we wanted. He had the exact kid in mind. He was happy to send him to us and we were thrilled to receive him!

Now the Reality.

Scene 2 : Am reading , the window is open and the breeze is cool. I feel cold. Perhaps one should switch off the fan.hmm , I wonder who could help me with that?

Me : Adi, please switch off the fan.

Adi who is playing just a hand away from fan switch , just few inches away  will look up and .

Adi (with curious eyes) : Why mummy ?

Me : coz its cold.

Adi ( with more curiosity): Why is it, cold mummy ?

Me : coz it’s breezy . The window is open. See kitni achi hawa

Adi (with the look of wtf) : Why is the window open?

Me : Coz I left it open? (I hope that will shut him up)

Adi (then it is clearly not my problem look) : Why did you leave it open ?

Me : I did not , but then if you would just reach out .. it is one in the middle.

Adi ( Are you insane) : But you just said you did. Why did you say so?

Me ( Did I say that ? ) : Ahem ahem .. I did say that because I thought ….that .. now it is the one in the middle. It is very breezy .. if you would just.

Adi (I have to get to the bottom of this issue) : What were you thinking mummy ?

….

After 10 minutes and 100 questions later .

I get up and switch off the fan. Yes , the one in the middle.

Meanwhile , up above the sky , God is feeling slightly more proud than he should be. If you ask me !

Thatsmyboy

 

 

How did scene 1 end in reality ? Don’t even get me started unless you are home and am watching TV and I need YOU to pass remote …

Grrrrrrr God ,

wehadadeal

 

PS: All images from google image search. Thank you letting me use!

I want twins …..sure?

2012:

We want twins . We always wanted twins. I have to do something may be eat 2 banana, eat 2 chapati .. everything in multiplication of 2.

Shall we ask doctor if it’s possible somehow ?

I read somewhere women who conceive after certain age are most likely to have twins. Shall we postpone ?

Oh , How I wish I have twins! Let’s check out cloning?

Me : Why can’t you teach your swimmers to join hands and end up in a draw¬†! ..¬†I ¬†really really wanna have twins..

Iwannatwins

 

But Alas , Life is not a freaking wish granting factory!

Doc , Are you sure .. look closely ..their might be another egg and sperm trying out ?

My sister has twins

Am so happy , at least someone has twins…she is so lucky!

sheislucky

My sister comes home with her year old twins named L and K

L sleeps at 2000 , K at 2300. L wakes up at 600  and K at 1000. Each child takes turn to wake up every 2 hours.

L likes cerelac for breakfast , K likes his meal less mushy. Two breakfasts.

L is playing with red car. K wants the very same red car at the very same moment. One screams , other is crazily happy seeing bro scream!

L pees , then K pees and then L poos and then K poos. And then L needs to pee again. And then it is bath time , one after another.

K is playing with his favorite toy when L wants mommy. Then contagiously K also wants mommy. Mommy wants to pee but who cares!

After  2 days , sister goes back with her twins.

Me , husband finally : Yay ! We do not have twins! 

thankgod
Google.

“Bach gaye”!

 

One word inspiration ,Never do it empty stomach.

(Feeling inspired , thinking head and  jumping heart )

That was awesome .. ? I think it is a wonderful idea..

Yeah , Yes.. We should totally do it.

Define a word that would be my¬†North Star¬†¬†for 2016. Am thinking…………

Sleep. 

Head : What ? How could you come up with that word. one¬†word , just (louder) ONE word ¬†, you lazy lazy bum …ONE word to be your torch for 2016 , that you would embrace completely , love deeply , stick¬†by it ¬†and the first word you choose is ( insulting pause ) S-L-E-E-P¬†. ¬†

You are not my heart anymore!

Like it or not , am sticking around. ¬†Can’t you see? We both looooove sleeping . Why not make it ¬†official!

Any trouble in life , just sleep it off. This too shall pass while you dream on your cozy bed , with you, my dear head resting on pillow.

Head: Thinking is my job , stupid heart.  Lemme do it. Quietly.

Hmm , Okay.

After a minute .

Here is another one. Chicken.

Ta-da!

Head: (fumes coming out of one ear ) Aha, Chicken , hmm? Exactly ,How does that inspire you ? When do you ever hear anyone say let’s do it like chicken … Let’s be like chicken ? Chicken¬†is born to die .. remember , it’s bred only for recipe¬†.

C’on .Chicken is inspiration .We go extra miles for that one joint in other part of city famous for chicken biryani! How can you forget Afgani chicken kebabs..

Head : (fumes coming out of both the ears and a bit of nose )Did you even get what the post means? What it means to have a word as torch for 2016.

(murmuring) Well .. chicken fits. Its a light .. a  guiding torch , guiding us to that biryani wala .

Head: (fuming) We need a word which is like #growing 

After a minute .

Oh wait. Here is another one..

Head (interrupting¬†¬†harshly) : Not FISH! ¬†That doesn’t qualify either.¬†What is wrong with you .. Food is your inspiration ? Think Verb .. think action.

(murmuring) Sleeping qualifies as verb , and you are thinking now at dinner time rather than eating ….food. I can only see chicken and fish floating around me now .

Head is in complete state of meditation , thinking ,¬†occasionally a sound , a murmur¬†¬†, sometimes yapping ¬†: A word for me …..¬†to¬†help me ¬†…inspiration….

After dinner.

I could see chicken and fish cannot be inspiration for 2016! That was my empty stomach talking before dinner. Now stomach is sleeping , head is still searching for word… yapping…

My 3 year old boy walks in, comes straight to my lap , face towards me … his little arms wrapped around my neck..¬†

Adi : Mummy , let’s play the game happy face , angry face.

(Presses my right cheek) c’on¬†, show me¬†happy face, (presses again)¬†abhi¬†gussa(= now¬†angry face).¬†Wiggles his nose to get his¬†angry look¬†,¬†giggles with laughter for happy face.

Head and Heart , both measuring his immeasurable cuteness..

One word.  Son.

Will get me through , any or everything .. when he has his arms around my neck .

PS :  This post is Blogging 101 assignment , to write a post inspired by other post.

In reality , though I agree with Safari Girl, I could not think of anything more inspiring for me than my own family and especially my son. A bit bore ending , humorless than originally intended. Nevertheless ..  am still measuring his cuteness..

 

 

3 Days 3 Quotes Challenge, Day 1!

Thank you nerdsakshi and  pranabaxom for giving me this challenge.

I could not start it sooner , coz my sister with her a year old twin boy were visiting us and my favorite quote for the whole time was “Which one (of the twins) woke up” .. Sssh!

Twins, I tell you . Both a year old , same age ūüėČ , I tell you . both boys , Boy! Do I really need to tell you ūüôā

Anyways ..Challenge accepted. It didn’t come with any expiry time.. So I assume am not out of race and can bore you with one¬†quote a day I like..

Challenge Rules:

  • Post three consecutive days.
  • You can pick one or three quotes per day.
  • Challenge three different bloggers per day

Now , the quote. 

Being a mother is like flowing in hormones of¬†awe , happy , sad , OMG! , oops , that hurts , am-gonna-cry , go-to-hell-that-boy-beating-my-boy , keep calm , have mercy , GOD -where-are-you , Husband-where-are-you , ¬†…blah blah blah ..

BUT¬†finally I have found Nirvana with “Finding Nemo” and I remember this always when am dealing with my hormones and son.

Marlin:¬†I promised I’d never let anything happen to him.

Dory:¬†Hmm. That’s a funny thing to promise.

Marlin: What?

Dory: ¬†Well you can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him.

My nominees are

  1. Jake
  2. Lucky 
  3. SimpleDimple

PS: I should probably tell these persons of challenge  , or NOT. That way .. they may not come across this crucial missing piece of information to win the challenge that am challenging them and may not quote anything and I may win this!

What’s the prize money to win this challenge , I need to ask nerd and prana?

 

 

And then I became a mother …..!

Ummm, Why is it green in color ? Oh yes , it has Green Palak.¬†The consistency looks good , not too watery or hard solid.¬†The smell , hmm was good then, but now …

Could you guess the dish am inspecting …¬†Palak panner or Green Thai curry ?

Palak paneer , ofcourse . Nothing beats an indian dish.

But.

After it has come to the end of it’s journey ,which is out of my son’s bum with rest of his potty.

Am happily inspecting his poop.

Head : ewww , yukky …potty from bum?

Yes, he says ¬†“Potty comes out of bum” , I think its cute , so wont correct him ever!

So, How did this poop inspection began?

I sometimes look at my poop to see how does a healthy poop looks like ,¬†I look closely at his red color poop to see if its beetroot red or blood red .. or worst I might even someday be tempted…

Head : Stop ! I think you have made your point waaaaaaaay too clear about poop inspection!

I can never get tired of looking at it, inspecting it , Not until the day he is old enough to shut me out from poop inspection.

OMG! What have I become ??! 

Once upon a time!

Once upon a time , life was good ,mind and body balance. I had perfect set of hormones .

Head :C’on …Why blames hormones for this ?

Well, what else can explain how I , from a happy , normal person turned into this crazy , lame guilty mother.
Hormones , am sure of it ! plenty of it!

Head : Aha , Who was crying , whining for “I want a baby!”

That’s the first hormone , which pumps out saying “Lets have a baby!”. Now why can’t baby making be a simple procedure of “pressing a button” instead of drilling , leaking and aah , the pain !

Head: WHAT, pressing a button ?! Are you sure …

* louder* ¬†Can you not imagine if it was just a button ? ¬†WOMAN¬†! DO YOU NOT LIVE IN INDIA??? Don’t you have enough¬†neighbor?

Alright , ummm… take a notch down ..Lets not get into detail, shall we..?

ma and you
This is the baby , now 3 years old .. I was whining for ‚̧

Anyways,

Bringing up a child, will completely change you , in every sense. You, your home and your life roadmap. Perhaps it’s result from the metathesis of hormones¬†that a mother¬†could do things never imagined capable of ……She¬†will have all the patience of galaxy loaded with all the guilt of milky way….am never doing enough.
I should have finished this early and go home to co-conspirator and his cute son!

Head : So , husband is conspirator ¬†?¬†What did he do ? You were the one crying….
Of course , husband is responsible for getting me into this , for supporting me in everything .. in sun or rain , drilling and pain!
Why didn’t he tell me that I would change so much that my lungs will pump blood !

Head : The word is oxygen sweetie , Your lung cannot pump blood.
Just raise a child and well , lung will be so busy pumping , that it doesn’t matter what the hell is being pumped – just pump oxygen or blood.. Heart is over-whelmed , nervous , confused and hyperventilating from all cuteness and responsibility¬†around .. that it can’t pump enough.

Change is inevitable and motherhood is a crazy change in lifestyle.

Before you realize , you are anticipating his poop to be of perfect size consistency , more than what you expect your new blouse to fit in.

Head : poop again! , snap out of it ,will you ?

Okay. Point noted. No more poop talk.

Can we talk about fart ?

Adi, my son is a parrot , repeats after me all the time , so no cuss words and can’t even call stupidest things stupid in front of him. But one thing I learned hard way- Do NOT¬†ever ever ever do what you don’t want him to do in public.

For instance….

Don’t pick your nose , that’s gross. ultra gross.

And

Don’t fart …..Pleassse.

Head : Weren’t¬†you the one who taught him BOTH at the first place???

well, Of course he learned it all eventually, from the only one time I tried to pick his nose ..

In my defense , I was cleaning his running nose before going to bed so he can sleep better and his fingers are more suited than mine .. Believe me, I have balloon fingers and am lazy to get up for hanky!

Head : WTH! You practically led his hands into nose and showed him to pick the .. and were even proud about it!

Hell Yes! I have tried to teach him many other things approved by civilized society , but he never ever learns those in one shot. This ..nose picking. How the hell would I know that he will master it in one night ?

So that’s the thing , when I least want¬†son to notice , he will put all his focus in¬†that and sometimes even when am blowing drum in front of him ,would ignore.¬†Hide something I¬†wish Adi never ever finds out and he gets it the next minute.You think you were discreet enough , fast like bolt? Too late , he saw it already it, labelled it as “Mummy doesn’t want me to see” and added it to must-be-good check-it-out list.

Head : and¬†what about¬†farting ….

What about it ? C’on¬†that’s human ,¬†At least , I taught him to say Sorry! He farts , we laugh , giggle and say out loud Sorrrrrrrryyyyy ! That counts as bonding time between mother and son?
In my defense ,this I believe must be those uncivilized hormones talking which were suppressed since beginning of no-fart-in-public civilization!

What else ?

I can easily sustain prolong exposure to insanity , doing the same thing over and over again without flinching.
Adi : Mummy , This is your green car , this is my red car.Lets race !

After 30 minutes:

Adi: Mummy * utho na, wake up * This is your green car , this is my red car.Lets race !

I could do things without actually doing it , at least I didn’t realize my hands are racing again with green car.. I stopped noticing ..It is a routine hands know very well , why do I need to focus my head there ..

carslinedup
Boy in action!

OMG , am I a zombie now?

I can play car race , howl like wolf , roar like lions and be a big bad dino for an hour straight without even noticing that am actually a human.
I have lost so many races,fights to him that now I can win race for slowest contender! I earn his laughter.
Everything in my head begins with “Start your engine” and ends with ” Yay!Adi first !”.

Need for speed , Turbo , Bolt Lighting Mc Queen .. definitely triggers something in me when am on my red swish scooter , managing a speed of just 40 miles and I accelerate.. think speed , think 238 miles or worst think crash!

My cars want bed
He wanted his cars on bed with him, so made this pillow garage on bed! We removed it in night and first thing he notice waking up is “Mere car kidhar hai” …Where is my car,bus…

Adi is a typical 3 year old boy , In love with car , bike , trucks , animals …big animals, Dino ! If he were a girl, I guess I would be playing dolls for an hour straight ..¬†umm…., that would have been nice . at least its just sitting at one place not crashing , running around.

Head : Do you want another …..bwwwaah ..second could be a girl.

I will ignore that comment from head.. He shuts down when all game begins..sees no use in doing routine, feels no pain.

Head : He ??! louder Why am I male ? am your head, inside you on top floor woman ! picture me as super hot sexy model , female !

Ignore that one too , how can my head ALONE be super sexy when the rest after child delivery could not go back to its glorious days of size S.

Ignoring and moving ahead ..

Am hypnotized by my 3 year old son…

I love his voice , he has cutest voice of a 3 year old. But nobody was there to tell me this .. I suffered , am still suffering.
Do not, I repeat Do NOT go by the voice , listen to what he is saying..try avoid to look into eyes.. The cuteness is a way of hypnotize mother!! I know , I am.. am completely mesmerized when he asks he something with those eyes and that voice , and I turn stupid ..

In my experience, these are the 2 words  to look out for warning signals..

  1. Baad main = Later.

This is even more powerful than legendary “No” . He isn’t refusing to do , he is simply delaying… and that later never comes!
Me : Adi , Its time for homework.
Adi : Mummy baad mein

Me : Adi , dinner time.
Adi : baad mein , now playtime.

  1. “Last one”

He is not asking for more , he is only asking for the last one..
Adi : Mummy I want chocolate.
Me : Adi , you just had one before meal.
Adi : Mummy , one last . Just last one…

Now when he says this , my heart is overloaded and lungs start pumping.
Head : hmm and you oblige by giving him last chocolate the nth time..?

In my defence , am hypnotised by his voice , by his eyes , by his demand! Just because he is such a darling ‚̧ and am such lame ūüė¶

I wonder if he will ever use these words in right way ever?

Me : Adi , Do you want chocolate?
Adi : No Mummy baad mein…

I often wonder , discuss it with husband .. Does he know the effect of his cuteness on me ? What should I name this one hormone?

Head : i-am-moron hormone ??? 

Excitement

As a mother , the one compliant which is omnipresent – My son isn’t eating enough. Am not just saying .. I know for fact.. he doesn’t.¬†Food is not important in life of a 3 year old. What can you do?

Something which sometimes work .. is fake it , you show you love it , he will follow the suit! My kid love all pomp pomp , announcement and declaration of love!

So food is not just food , but with a 100 watts excitement , “wow, aaj ka nashta pasta“. Pasta got his attention , at least I will have successful breakfast!
You can find me like a jumping fox with a plate of just plain rice and dal. Every meal should be a discovery , exciting , else son has no interest in what otherwise is very important for living , next only to breathing..

One of these days I forget “not” to be excited and
Me : Sweetie , * with 100 volts excitement and all white* Your¬†favorite¬†breakfast –¬†Poha and chai!
Husband : Sweetie , Its the same old dish my mother made and her mother before that and ..perhaps goes back to the time of Adam Eve! Whats so exciting??

Am lame , but at least am excited about being lame ūüėČ

Well , there are some good things too ..

My general knowledge has increased two folds , I know all kinds of truck types and cars…¬†I know 5 wild animals and 5 domestic animals , know all the good habits. Do you know all the poems in the world , one where humpty fell down , or bus goes around or clap clap clap ?

I can sleep with eyes open , when it’s my nap time and his play time !
Now I now … know-thee-all hormone.

There is always a trick up his sleeve..put him in any place , he is never bored , will find something amusing.
He will do things with perfection – open the jar , take a chocolate and close it tight. My usual steps are – Open the jar , take a chocolate and full stop.
Just when I realize that my son could play independently and I could do other things , comes the phase of Q&A’s – Why series…

Adi : Mummy what are you doing ?
Me : cleaning the floor.
Adi : Why are you cleaning the floor?
Me : because its dirty.
Adi : Why is it dirty ?
Me : coz I spilled water.
Adi : Why did you spill water?
Me : I wasnt looking straight and the glass of water fell….. * Here I restrain myself from using any cuss words
Adi: Why were you not looking straight.
Me : Because I was looking at TV.
Adi :Why were….
Me :Sending SOS signals to husband* Sweetie .. help me!

Sometimes I wonder if he even interested in my answers , or just picks up words , add a What or why and create the next question.
some days¬†its “what will happen” series – Mummy what will happen if I eat chocolate , if I don’t bath , If I throw …

My housemaid is starting to avoid my son when he gets into Q&A mode…I cant do that..Can I ?

My perspective changed, am not the same …

Now an ant , isn’t just an ant doing the hard work and let it do the hard work. Smash! It’s a bloody ant , can bite Adi and must be killed!
I can laugh over silly things , coz his laugh is infectious , it spreads even when he isn’t around. Be excited about stupid things.¬†A dog isn’t just a dog but “Mummy Cute dog na”? Everything is cute in his world.

Love hormone

Now this is the deadliest one , coz this will makes my son look like the cutest smartest , handsome with a million dollar smile , twinkle in eye 3-year-old boy living on planet earth. And when love hormone is released ,he can absolutely demand and say anything and I will oblige.


Head : This is happening way too frequently these days .. control your senses. How can you give him chocolate when he hasn’t finished his homework.
Did you see his eyes when he was asking for chocolates ? Do you know how much he makes me happy just being him .. jumping , screaming , running , smiling ..laughing and asking for chocolate?
My son will have chocolate !

And with that all the hormones are released in my body!