A trip to the highest motorable road in the world!

Not by me.I prefer airlines, airports, long waits but no long drives. Guess am more of a destination person than the journey.

Anyhow, what I don’t do, my husband does. I think he knows I won’t come, and hence THE PLAN. A trip on his Royal Enfield Thunderbird to the world’s highest motorable road

Husband: Let’s go to Leh on our bike…

Me : No way, am not coming. 

Husband (sounding sad): okay, guess I will have to go ALONE then. I was planning for 15 days, have booked my tickets to Delhi already. 

He must be dancing in his head, away from home for 15 days in the mountains with his precious Thunderbird! Did I hear his humming already?

Whatever. Am still not a destination person. Plus someone has to take care of 5-year-old little super-hero at home. Leh is seriously beautiful and we have visited it together in our honeymoon. Huge mountains, beautiful landscape and lovely people.

See for yourself.  Isn’t it awesome?

 

21248211_10212323695901993_6331677107145435050_o

21167804_10212323697622036_5420663741285069558_o[1]

 

21199426_10212323558258552_2248451948138650974_o[1]

 

21200808_10212323558858567_8106824052903739738_o[1]

 

21200685_10212323556698513_792176827199689178_o[1]

 

21200821_10212323559098573_8508682678141188715_o[1]

 

21167642_10212323555698488_6474075606034078509_o[1]

 

21199699_10212323554978470_4106343877006922234_o[1]

 

21543804_10212407507037219_3097281337387557299_o[1]

 

21551753_10212407506037194_1941683234019939533_o[1]

 

21106320_10212308069631346_8601409992801218570_n

Advertisements

I have to pee. And then how I became friends with my bladder.

For a really long time, I hated my bladder. I had my reasons.

My bladder is too small. Tiny Winy. I have not X-Rayed, measured or seen its capacity, but I know. Either that or it simply doesn’t do what it is supposed to do.. what a waste of space.  That too, Inside me.

Why am I sizing up my bladder, why does anything make me hate a part of me?

Reasons

Am going for a meeting in like anytime now – I have to pee. The meeting is over – I have to pee.

I end my day at the office, but before starting home- I have to pee. In fifteen minutes, I reach home- I put my keys in the keyhole and rush I have to pee.

We are going out, am checking everything that should be checked when we are going out because my husband is too lazy to do it, post for some other day how-to-survive-lazy-husband and point for this post, as the last thing I check- THEN I have to pee.

I just closed the door to go out after checking that needs to be checked when we go out and then I remember I left the light on in the bedroom(Puff) I get back in, switch the light off and THEN I have to pee! Again. Doesn’t matter what I did 2 minutes ago.

Am in a conversation and I can feel it mocking me, chanting “Pee, Pee , Pee” some days in Hindi “Susu susu susu” and I have to pee.

Do you see what the bladder is doing to me?Who do I complain, it’s  my own bladder. Can you imagine how many minutes I have spent peeing! Am eyeballing .. 1000000!

I hate to see a washroom because THEN DEFINITELY I have to pee.

I hate when someone says “wait .. I will be just back from the toilet” because I have to follow too .. to Pee. Just, please don’t mention pee in front of me. My bladder hears it and THEN I have to pee. It is like it does not know that it is made to hold yellow looking urine. Instead, it behaves like it is sleeping all time, wakes up and “Oh shit, am flooded, there is yellow water in me, flush it out” and I got to go pee. Bladder, you are supposed to be flooded all the time.

Bloody Bladder – I have to pee now.

26803357b981b32e627df9e4f2c2c4e5-nail-drying-nailart
This is also me, in the rare event when I do decide to deck up, complete with nail polish and when I have lots of other stuff to do, but I cannot because my hands feel like robot hands due to nail-paint, but my bloody B remember it’s duty time – empty me!

 

Sometimes, before I visit washroom, my biggest fear is What if all of them are occupied.. that means a wait and my bladder is not only small but also impatience.  Luckily, am more relaxed peeing in India, because there is always more than one toilet inside the door that says washroom. But this was not so much when I was visiting Europe. There, everywhere it was just one door and that opens up to pee. One at a time. I wonder if it is because all Europeans have big bladder(they are certainly taller than Asians) or that no two have the urge to pee at the same time, low pee rate or simply fewer bladders as such for the small population living there. I will never know.

Most of the time, Every time I pee, I envy boys because, by the context of this post, you should at least guess by now – Why? Why I envy boys. I envy boys, or anyone with a natural flexible hose to let out the jet stream in just three steps- un-zip, pee, and zip up. Wash hands if you want too. Do you know how many steps a girl have to go through…It is a bloody obstacle course!

 

  1. Feel the need to pee. On a side note, this line “Feel the need to pee” is full of e’s , that is a fun fact.
  2. Go to the washroom , find an empty one. Lucky you.
  3. Unzip ,pull down, sit down. Unzip, here is just one word, but believe me, it is not as easy as writing unzip, especially for Indian ladies wearing Salwar Kameez. Salwar is a pant with a drawstring. For simplicity sake, let’s just say it involves pulling string, THE right drawstring in the right way otherwise I might end up tightening instead of opening.  And that my friend, is not a situation you wanna be ever. I have learned my lesson, by supplying scissor to my edgy roommate, at the crucial moments when she really needed to empty but pulled the wrong drawstring.  In the end, she had many salwars with no drawstring.
  4. Next step is Pee. Now, I must say , even though am blabbing a lot against pee in this post, this is the time when am most relaxed. Sit down and let it go. It is like the calm after a thunderstorm, it is the feeling that the worst is over. It is also a portal for all gases to be free ( it is not fart, although it is very close) . It is very close to meditation. Who knows , at the rate I pee, I might open pee-meditation classes.
  5. The last step. Zip it up. Check the seat is neat, wipe, clean, wash hands and be done

See, how overwhelming it would be for a girl to pee? A race against time and bladder. It is just pure display of bladder power. I dont know what am I writing. This pee post is really making me pee more. 

Be right back. From pee. 

More on the topic? 

Do not get me started about my trips to the bathroom when I was pregnant. The only other thing that I mastered, apart from farting, during those nine months is how to rush to pee. My boy loved to squeeze my bladder and my bladder was like .. Take all the space you need boy, I have been here my whole life. It was my baby’s first toy. Squeeze, mama moving, mama sitting and finally mama aaahhhing.

Speaking on this topic , I do have a question to all the girls wearing jumpsuits .. you know the type of suit that is an adult onesie, only with a belt.

HOW THE HELL YOU MANAGE TO PEE IN THAT?

I cannot imagine wearing it,because I cannot imagine taking it off every half an hour , I hate to change clothes. In my opinion, strippers must have the most boring job. Take it off one at a time, slowly, seductively. Are you kidding me? Just throw it on the couch and be over with!

Aaah .. I really hated bladder. No wonder this post is already so long.

Now, so how did I become friend with my bladder? What changed my mind?

Starting again , For a really long time, I hated my bladder. Actually up until yesterday.

It so happened that I had a good, sumptuous dinner on Monday, the influence of which was clearly visible up at least until Tuesday noon. I think my stomach stopped working because I could feel the meal sitting there, just sitting. The food was awesome. No stomach would want to digest that. .

So,  the lazy self was getting wasted on bean bag all morning, almost all noon when.. I felt it. I felt, the urge to pee. And that was the light bulb moment for me… I do not hate my bladder. It is not bad. It is actually my friend..Did you get it?

My bladder, all this time was actually motivating me to be not lazy, but to get up, go to the bathroom , pee and well, bath while am in the bathroom. It is taking care of me, wakes me up early so I am ready to face the day on time.  So I learn to meditate. So I learn to pull the right string. So I am with my friend when she needs me in the toilet, both peeing. So I am active in my life, move around, visit the bathroom. Am healthy because of my bladder today.  How could I not see that before? I learned so much in all of my pee trip.

I learned to hold tight and when it is the right time, let go.

 

 

 

 

English idiom – Think of the devil and the devil is here.

Hindi idiom – Badi lambi umar hai tumhari, abhi yaad kar rahe the .. ” You are gonna live a long life, we were just speaking about you”.

When English met Hindi idiom – You are the devil who is gonna live a long life.

Me: I hope they never meet.

Happy Ramzan…

Happy Ramzan.

We are introducing my almost 5-year-old son to the holy month of Ramzan this year. He knows other festivals of India – won’t stop saying “Ganapati bappa moria” much to my embarrassment in front of my Muslim in-laws.He knows that Diwali is the time for diya, rangoli and crackers and Holi is all about colors and water.

He can even recognize Santa Claus and won’t stop singing Jingle bell, jingle bell – again to my embarrassment. By the way, I don’t know why am embarrassed. my in-laws are lovely people. 

So we told him that this is the holiest month and he has to be a good boy. Sharing, caring and helping others.I write down all his good deeds in a diary daily and will show it to the Almighty Allah at the end of the month on Eid. If he finishes his meal, that counts too.

And in return, Allah will give him a gift on Eid. A big wonderful gift. A super-cool gift. It could be a supercar or a giant dinosaur. It could even be the spiderman figurine. How wonderful is that?

And the same goes for all of us. We get a nice gift if we behave well.

So this is how it goes at my home now…

“Mummy, what if Allah sleeps before I finish my meal, he wouldn’t know?” Allah, if you are listening, Aadil usual dinner time is 8-9 PM. Please do not sleep before 9. Nevertheless, I have the diary.

“What if Allah runs out of the gift and none is left for me ?” OMG! That would be scandalous..for all the pain the boy has taken in the month. 

“Mummy, You are shouting – you will not get any gift.”  Allah- You are all knowing and wise, you made me shout/scream… I did not. I deserve the gift.

“Papa, you are not playing with me – you will not get any gift.” Yes (raised fist) That will serve him right Allah, no gift for him.

All in all, am happy with the way Ramzan is going and I can’t wait to see the big smile on his face on the day of Eid when he gets his present (from Allah.)

Happy Ramzan everyone! I hope you may all celebrate this holy month by sharing, caring, and helping.

4 years 4 month
This was the pic taken when he turned 4 years, 4 month and 4 days, when we celebrated his Bismillah ceremony. I was so nervous that he is not gonna repeat the verses read out to him, but he did! Without any fuss, he sat through it and made be really proud that day.

How to spend 10 minutes, rather waste 10, & then another 30 blogging about it.

At the office, my colleague AbhiSwami started an online chat with three of us. Him, me and SatyaSwami.

AbhiSwami  : Hi

SatyaSwami: Hi

Me                  : Hello

AbhiSwami  : Can we meet now to discuss the issue ..blah-blah-blah?

Me                      : sure, now?

SatyaSwami  : Give me 10 minutes.

AbhiSwami  : Ok

Me  My Head:

“Give me 10 minutes” *pondering*, So what exactly is SatyaSwami implying?

Is it that to discuss the issue, he demand that both of us give him 10 minutes of (stress on next word) OUR  time ( I capitalized it just so you see where am going)  which will yield HIM 20 minutes of …..time, to be precise, my time. Did you see what he is doing? Blackmail ..In clear text, in broad daylight, at office?!? WTH SatyaSwami!

Chill lady head! 

That could be the beginning of something fun. Hey! I have 20 minutes, got it from my colleagues.Sounds like you have wonderful colleagues…. 

Yes!

So now that it is implied that AbhiSwami will give him his next 10 minutes, how will he give him that? Stand next to him. Sleep for next 10 minutes, so that SatyaSwami can do whatever he wanted to do without his colleague hovering over his shoulder “Take my 10 minutes”. Should I go join AbhiSwami *realizing he doesn’t know all this yet, certainly this is in my head*, Should I tell him Let’s go and give our time to SatyaSwami? He asked for it “Give me 10 minutes” and it is certainly no blackmail. I have pondered.

Interesting, So is “time” a commodity now?  How shall I order it? Boy! Give me a cord, a butter   butcher  butter knife, a hand glove, 100mg chloroform, a big gunny sack …. and a pack of 30 minutes?

*Pondering* What shall I do with this extra time and all the stuff along in my order?

Well, certainly if anyone gives me 30 minutes,  You would find me on the bed under the quilt, in the morning, sleeping! I will keep the rest of the stuff in the gunny bag.  What were you thinking? chloroform might comes handy at a time when the kid wouldn’t shut his eyes and my eyes won’t remain open!

Would AbhiSwami give me 10 minutes, if I ask? He seems content to give SatyaSwami…no complaint, no question asked. Just “Ok”.

More of blah blah blah…

After 10 minutes,

SatyaSwami pinged and we proceeded to discuss the issue.

The Epiphany.

Aha! So, That’s how I gave my time when he asked: “Give me 10 minutes”.But he didn’t take it… What a waste of time. 

Now, The Epiphany 2.

And after, another 30 or so minutes of writing this.

*Me, Growling* SatyaSwami – YOU OWN ME 40 MINUTES !

Image source – pixabay. check pixabay , great , free pictures.

Wishes for New Year!

I have been thinking after reading numerous wishes I have received in last 24 hours. Everyone suddenly seems to be sincerely wishing me love, peace, happiness, and prosperity for the new year ahead.  Are you listening to all this Universe – You have got a job to do!

Hmm, Something tells me that love, peace, happiness .. is all perspective. God will be confused, he She has no time to read between lines, and given the amount of request perhaps it would be better if my friends could send me wishes, telling exactly what to do. Anything could go wrong in sending love,peace and happiness my way!

God:  Hmm, Someone sent her happiness – So should I send a puppy or give a flat tummy? Hell .. I have got plenty to do ..let’s just send her a puppy. 

Noooooooooooooo ! It’s the other one lady!

To all my wonderful readers, visitor, bloggers, followers, if you have not send any wishes, read and you will know what you have say. Be precise 😉

On top of my list, and that of everyone else 

“May you get a waistline that will fit you into size XS,   S (Alright, I will be practical) M size!”

Head: Something tells me this will be wish of 90% of people of ladies on planet earth, which might be too much for God to handle and also that am writing this very late, I might be already at the bottom of wish list, but I could certainly outwit if everyone wishes me this, certainly the number of messages counts ! See there are lots of these waistline messages, let’s just do it and get the hell out of her list.

May your dinner plate have a constant supply of chicken, mutton   keema, and pan fried spice wrapped fish fry, and on the days when dinner looks  green and veggie, the universal-power-of-meat magically turns every veg mouth-full into chicken-curry/fish-fry mouth-full!

May you get super-eyes that can burn your calories just by “looking” at the person running on the treadmill. Just a stare and there 100 calories gone!  Evil laugh

May your husband learns to put the SUPER WET towel on the clothesline, NOT, definitely NOT on the bed.

May your son learns to keep his mouth shut during poo, I swear I do not find his Look mummy, that is bada(fat) potty, this is chota(small) potty talks cute anymore!

May you win a lotto to visit Venice and a wonderful nanny to take care of your son at home (definitely not with you), while you and husband live your dream of Gondola ride where you are singing at the top of voice THE song that made you fall in love with Venice!

May your husband shaves his beard every day, each and every of 365 days ahead,  such that it no more render half of his face area useless, giving him a powerful weaponry to annoy me just by brushing it off my face whenever I plan to annoy him and he wants to scare me away. Trust me, you do not want to feel those little prickly hair monster and loose a game of I-can-outsmart-you with your partner.

May you get to walk in the rain, under the umbrella, big enough to hold you and your husband together, but small to keep you both close. AFTER he has put his towel on the clothesline and shaved his beard.

May you never hold onto the feeling of I need to pee immediately outside the bathroom door contemplating if it would be rude to knock while some lady is possibly just looking through her facebook feeds and planning her next selfie – a pout with beauty mode ON to make her skin glowing like a light bulb.

May the days and nights of the weekend be longer than weekdays. And that your days be filled with absolutely nothing but a bed and pillow.If that is a subject, then be the subject matter expert in it.

May WordPress gives you a free domain! Yay!

And as for new year resolution, I have tried , revised and finally made peace with what Calvin says.

167be9d717ee74cd076d0126c667d6ab

 

 

Coming back to work , after a heavy lunch at a fine-dine restaurant , on a Friday  , sponsored by the office , I learned a great deal about human anatomy.

When stomach is full up to the brim  , brain stops functioning.

Mind is in trance and human body is capable of sleep walker-talker-worker.

Would you say Zombie – Stage 1 ??

Husband , at it again!

I think he is crazy. Spending hours with his microlens trying to capture the tiny winy flower/insect/bug. Sometimes other stuff, larger than 10mm might catch his fancy..and be lucky to be immortalised in the digital world.

My husband. Love of my life, with the love of his life – Camera , Bike Ride to Madhe Ghat. I wonder when did I slip from number 1 position .

Isn’t this beautiful?

14115643_10208855625042389_6515632958010432090_o

 

 

13975331_10208855627602453_5030570207254319105_o14125599_10208855626922436_9091067683332459285_o14124919_10208855626402423_8646374675043093900_o14115029_10208855625922411_9180611162010619639_o14086387_10208855625202393_8427228120882700884_oMicro1

14183788_10208855624762382_3992542565653578503_n14184541_10208855626722431_3500081812810959773_n

14142063_10208855625402398_9144412173550176237_n

14100443_10208855624602378_5623680395810589333_n

 

14199480_10208857038317720_4738159114876052359_n

Wheel-O-Phobia

Am afraid of wheels , Wheel-O-Phobia , Driving-Phobia,  or in simple words ; I cannot drive 😦

It was not part of my school curriculum [Thank goodness , one less subject to pass !] . Over the last 3 years when circumstances forced me to learn 2 wheeler , I bought Suzuki Swish , A non geared red color 65 kilo scooter ,starts by press of a button. Next I memorized the road from my home to office and back and my life was set.

So I thought!

Until very recently , on a bad day when my Suzuki wont button start , a gentleman from my apartment , after “kick start” , commented “ Hey ! You have been driving for long now , learn to use choke and kick-start “ .Hmm , what the hell ! keys on ignition , sit  , press the start button , accelerate and drive , This thing called choke or kick-start never ever figured in this routine in past 3 years!

Anyways, there are many who are genuinely surprised by my disability and tries to reason “ This will make you independent “ ,” You are a quick learner , how hard could it be “ and I smile and think of all the people alive today coz of my lack of skill !  What I can say to my well wishers “of-course they are surprised to see such talented girl like me , who excelled in everything she does , touches or even glance does not know to drive .. 😉 “

Who am I kidding 🙂

My  husband knows me best “Listen , Don’t call me from the middle of road to pull your car out of some ditch.

Or knowing best and worst of my navigation skill  “Hey ! I don’t want to guess where the hell is that particular Joshi wadewala among thousands of wadewala in Pune city where my wife is lost and cannot find her way back to me .“

Hmm ;On second thought with evil laugh, “Muwahaha .. I should let her drive and be lost. ”

On third thought , “She will be lost with my car 😮 Can’t live without car.

On fourth thought: Same as first “Don’t drive.”

At this point , am thinking that you are thinking that my husband is bad ; “Bloody hell ! He should encourage his wife to learn to drive” ,  Hold on , before you go too far, listen – He is a very practical guy ,does encourage me, encourages me to stay out of jail for not killing pedestrian who just happened to be in vicinity of my car ! I wanna stay outside bars with a clean record ! Plsssss !

I did start like a normal kid in love with cars and bikes ,but I have a history to tell as to why I am where I am today!

Big Girl!

Our family’s first set of wheels was my father’s Bajaj scooter. It’s more or less like my current vehicle but lot less of style and lot less CC . When I was a big girl  [at least that’s how my brain remembers me -Big] , I was in awe of other “bigger” girls driving stylishly on a scooter / Sunny /Kinetic Honda. Most of the time in smart bright red color helmet, sometimes [when they are not in love with their head] , wind blowing hair off their face . I liked the way they would casually control that mean machine on their fingertip by press of a button, or stand balancing it chitchatting ! Gosh – I wanna be that girl !

So one fine day , I asked my father for a driving lesson and got into his Bajaj scooter . Pa said , “Don’t be nervous , It’s only conscious driving at first and then driving becomes the unconscious effort..”

We started and yeah I got it … Didn’t I tell you I was quick learner? I was prepared and I was actually driving ! Yay!

After 2 minutes :

What is this rush of air in and out of my helmet , creating that whistling sound ! Aahhha  noise ! why can’t I keep my eyes open ,  Why does every person passing by is coming straight towards my scooter! How the hell the girls make it look effortless ? Whatever happened to romantic picture of wind blowing my hair!  Where the hell is my inner consciousness which should kick in NOW ! Why the hell is it so heavy .. how can I balance this beast ! How the hell I kick-start it !  

My first attempt..
My first attempt..
After 10 minutes:

After approx 10 minutes and 10  “WTH” ,”HTH” thoughts ,I knew my destiny !

The rest as they say is history – beginning of my decade long struggle in auto , bus , friend’s car , friends’ bike ,  begging boyfriend to take me,nope strike that , boyfriend at “boyfriend” state are always ready for duty call  , begging  husband (trust me ,they change after marriage ) to take me to ….

As time passed 

Time is a great healer, not sure if “time” knows it or not , But it did heal my memories from first attempt, My heart started the nudge “ Look at that girl .. smart na?” .. but my head would yell “Shutup!” You don’t know a thing ! What thing ?

Am not a leader !

Heart : “What do you mean ?  you don’t have to be a leader to drive ….”

Head : “Sweet Heart !” Have you seen the people on road and the way they drive or walk or pedal or race or maneuver?? Everyone on our road is a leader  , follows his or her own heart! No one can say Indians don’t follow their heart – Look at us on road .. Screw the traffic rule , we don’t follow rules,  we lead , we follow our heart !

So there is always possibility of someone following his heart to squeeze his big body on a tiny winny small scooter and will appear suddenly between your scooter and that car wala in adjacent lane. Or that bus driver who leads example of “How helpful I am “ by stopping that big bus in the middle of nowhere to help that poor chap who wants to get down in the middle of nowhere !

Leaders on road
Leaders on road

My heart has no voice on road , It just freezes !

At-least I can air drive , what can go wrong in living room ?

Time -The healer kicked in again . It does pretty good job in healing 😉

One fine day I asked my husband to at-least show me how it’s done , not in a real car , not in some video game or simulator but in our living room , We could air-drive just like the time I play air-guitar!  So we sat in our living room , sofa’s next to each other.  [My head was sleeping , So my heart took a chance!]

He showed me to how to start – put your leg on break and hands on wheels , Aha  al rite this is easy peasy sit straight , accelerate, keep ears open , adjust the mirror , adjust seat, hand break .. WHAO , WHAO , WHAO !!!!!!!! Instructions kept pouring in , more than I could decipher.

Eyes on the road always ,  check rear view mirror , indicator , wipers ..leg and hand together ! OMG , OMG , OMG ! he is asking me to use all my human body parts and all my senses, everything together !

Focus , Husband is sending his 100th instruction but my hand and leg are still trying to work out together on instruction no 10. He yelled “Hands on the wheel ALWAYS”.

Geez ! He forgot we are air-driving !

So ” hhuh..legs – tell me again where should it be ? break or race? ” , “Yes ! Yes ! Am sitting straight , am not resting“. Alert butt , eyes , ears and all grey matter in my head – Puff ! Never ever have all my resources come together to do any task ! And all this WHILE my nose is busy filling my lungs with air , heart pumping oxygen and stomach making that grrrr sound again! 

All these instructions and I have not even hit the road in actual. I was just air driving!

At this point I wished my head would wake up and help me ! Wake up hero !

And then he started with story about how one needs to judge if your cars fits in , take instant decisions  and  about parking , driving in ghats ! “Head ..Help! ” Wake me up this is a nightmare..!

And then he went on and on about crossing or driving in traffic , Here amidst all heart thumping , I jumped to mention proudly ; something that I know about driving on real road – “Am on one way , This should be straight ride“. Husband put me back at my place ” You are on Indian road sweetie , there is no one way here , one way , 2 ways , bloody hell , any way is my way !”

Bummer !

So after what seemed like eternity , I air-parked my car and realized what my heart won’t accept. 

Moral of the story:

My territory is set, 5 kilo meter radius around my apartment on my 2 wheels which should button start every time. Kick-start will come in phase 2 of project wheel-o-no-phobia whenever that happens!


PS : These day I hear a voice in my head , Look at the lady behind wheels “Smart isn’t it ? ” and my head kicks my butt !

PPS : My husband does allow me to drive , but want’s me to learn from driving school professionally , less I give his precious car a dent. Don’t be mad at him <3.