Then

Me: Sweetie, am feeling really hot…Uff!
Sweetie aka husband: Why don’t you take off…….
And rest of the night spent in exercising and feeling hotter ūüėČ

Now

Me: Sweetie, am feeling really hot… Uff!
Sweetie aka husband: What is it set to ..? I told you to set it to 19 (irritatingly) give me the remote.
And rest of the night spent in adjusting AC setting.

True story.

Cake or Roti, A Valentine must have.

14th Feb was Valentine day. It is a silly day to celebrate love. Love should be celebrated every day. Not just one day. And with that one line, I sound bored.I know.

Anyhow.

We sort of did. Yay ! The basic minimum. He got me a wonderful cake. He always gets me a cake. That is the least, I know his lazy bones does permit.

A cake on 14th Feb 2006:

Me: Oh¬†Sweetie, I love you ‚̧

A cake on 14th Feb 2017

Me: Holly-Molly, there sits a kilo weight gain. Why couldn’t it be valentine sandwich?? What is wrong in that thought??!

On second thought- I think it is better Valentine is celebrated only once a year.

Nevermind the weight-gain. I had a bite, then another one, few more and few more and then stopped ..only to begin again. Look at the cake .. How can anyone stop after a bite, you must be very very cruel to not go for the second spoon of THAT?

whatsapp-image-red

Anyhow, moving ahead.

For the curious minds, the next question might be..”What did you do, ha? yeah, for him, on valentine? What did you get him?

I made a chapati, aka India bread. It came out pretty well. Can you see the shape? Cool,Eh ūüėÄ

heart

For those of you, who¬†couldn’t¬†figure out what is pretty cool about that bread is.I will spell it out for you. It is a heart. A perfect¬† heart.

Aha!Got it ? Eureka!

Shush, Now, listen, you observant folks. Very important. “Do not tell anyone that I cannot make perfect round roti aka Indian bread.” Do. Not. Nope. Zip your lips, sealed forever. Cross your heart and hope to die.

Especially, don’t¬†go tell my husband it-wasn’t-intented-to-be-heart-shaped because what really matters is the shape at the end. And what is it? A heart.

So, Now folks, What do you think, which one is a better valentine must-have? (Hint: new age romance)

A heart shaped cake ( Naaah ..that is so 1947! Everyone does that since the big bang, cake, chocolate, flowers!)

OR

A heart shaped roti (Now, that’s what I will call a symbol of love.. pure love and affection, very uncommon, very creative, very new age romance, every piece is unique!)

Gosh, Am so romantic. My husband must be feeling lucky. 

And not hungry anymore. 

On the days when you don’t feel like cooking…

… you have permission to use my recipe,¬†am gonna share with you.And thank me (profusely) later , which am sure you would (profusely).

Because not only am sharing a quick easy peasy recipe , am giving wings to ideas , one where you will find yourself spending less time in the kitchen and more time doing whatever shit you wanna do outside kitchen,without compromising on taste. Yes. This recipe is awesome!

Now , continue , without any more delays , Here it is

Drum rolls !

Cooking time , 20 minutes.

Actual cooking time , in the kitchen Р5 minutes.

  1. Get a packet of noodles and a packet of soup. Any soup , any noodle. I have these two in my storage. Veg Hakka Noodles and Chicken Delite Knorr Soup. 20160821_194834

 

  1. Find a deep pot , Boil water as per instructions on noodle packet. I didn’t wait long enough and added tomato , pea and then white sesame seeds for its looks! Handsome colors ha ?

Once the water starts boiling , add soup , stir it once.Avoid any lumps.

20160821_194640

  1. Once the soup powder is completely dissolved¬†, add noodles. Add whatever veggie /chicken /meat residing in your ¬†fridge. I added tomato , peas, paneer, green chilli , cauliflower blah blah blah. At this time , I missed boneless chicken a lot ūüė¶ ,but what the hell , continue.

20160821_200938

 

  1. I peeked again into a fridge and found this leftover chickpea curry and awesome mint chutney. Moto is to add  whatever is left in your fridge. Get rid of that sauce lying there for a week , or the curry you no more like to have as is , blah blah !

20160821_194930

 

Now , your 5 minutes into the kitchen is over. Go out of this fire and water chamber , find something else to do , like reading this post , clicking on like and follow!

Check on the soupy noodle after some time and see if the consistency appeals you. Mine was appealing and this is how it look in the end.

20160821_201223

This was a few weeks ago , and I have already tried this twice , days when my cook ditched me and I was in no mood to cook which seems perpetual these days.

Go one , try it.

And , If by some bad karma , or past life sins , or sins of your forefathers , or sins of your neighbour , ¬† or sins of your friends , highly incapable and unqualified taste buds, ¬†you didn’t like what you cooked by following¬†my recipe, You are permitted to cuss me, call me names , but remember “Who made the dish? YOU! HIGH TIME , Take responsibility for your action !” <End of barking>

Happy eating!

Son , THAT is not what I meant.

Location : Assam Рmountain , rain ,  waterfall.

Me : Adi , Look that is waterfall .. see how water is falling down ..waterfall.

Location : Tamini Ghat , again ‚Äď mountain , rain , ¬†waterfall.

Me : Adi , yaad hai  (Remember this ?) a waterfall . Isn’t it lovely?

Location : Morning at Home  , Adi woke up with a full bladder.

Adi ( in the bathroom , naughty smile ) : Mummy , mummy Look waterfall !

Calvin peeing
Yes , this is Calvin peeing , expression reminded me of my Son showing his “waterfall” Image courtesy – Google.

 

Nope , nope , nope , no , no , no son ..nahi!

THAT ! is not what I meant!

Yes son , you are so yummy , I ate you!

 

14th August,2012

I saw him first , 4 years ago. My first feeling ¬†“Why is he so tiny? Doc said he will be above 3 kilos. Look at his nose , his eyes , he looks like my papa!” and I was hooked.

Ever since then, I haven’t stopped loving him , falling head over heels with this little man every single day. The kind of love I have for him , actually surprise me. That am capable of loving someone so much. And the best part is¬†I get love in return,so much more than I could imagine. The little man loves me , adores me , lights me up with his voice. He does everything right , at least to me. Believe it or not , a mother¬†can feel , actually literally feel her child’s physical pain. I did for , possibly first two years. And stopped only after he started faking his pain to¬†mess with me , or to get attention ,or just to be naughty.

Every year , I tell myself “Oh this is the best phase, I wish he would never grow out of this (phase). ” And he amazes me with his next milestone.

Yesterday, a day before he turned 4 , he finished his rice plate himself, on his own . The waiter at biryani house gave him a plate ,a little spoon and he started eating himself. Before I could help , which I do usually, my husband shushed me and I watched him use a spoon and eat rice-biryani , from the corner of my eyes , heart thumping in excitement (I swear these motherly hormones behave crazily stupid someday , what is so exciting ? he is only eating rice with spoon???!) . Well , that was just once but it is a start.

We celebrated his 4th birthday today ,on 14th Aug , aka the day I meant to publish this post. Happy Birthday, Son <3. I will always love you. I cannot help , but love you all my life.

His take on turning 4 ” So am I as big as papa now?

So , now to come back to the title of this post. 

Me: Happy Birthday Adi , wow you are a big 4-year old now!

Adi : Why ?

Really ?! “why” that is the response..? The perpetual stream of “Why” ¬†from kid these days!.¬†

Me : Because , 4 years ago, you were born from my tummy son.

Adi :  Kyoun ? Aap mujhe kha gaye the kya mummy? Mummy , Did you eat me up ?

Ahem , ahem, So how he ended up in my tummy at first place! Good question.

Me (Hugging him tightly) : Yes , You are very very yummy Adi , so I ate you ūüôā , And now am gonna eat you again ……..

2016-08-16 12.57.54
He refuses to pose for the camera ¬†, this pic was taken a few months ago and the best one I have. Believe it or not , he is the love of my life and I don’t¬†even have a proper pic to share.

When God wants , he just wants . He is quite stubborn that way!

The plan was great.. Sort of foolproof.

It was simple and it was based on facts , truth , stories and folklore and human behavior.

Husband and I , are made  for each other. And also  made of bones   lazy bones and flesh. If we could have our way , I will be reading , sleeping and fishing all day , all year long and he would , well (pause) , he would never ever even lift his finger.

PS : If you would ask him , he, of course, would deny , but remember you are my friend , not his. Whom would you trust ? Me or Him? If you said Him , Congratulations! You made it to my send-hitmen-to-hit list!

Moving ahead,

Like I said. We had planned it well. I always wanted a child. One who would be ours. My eyes , definitely my nose and his voice (only) . He will grow up to be a smart , handsome and very very resourceful boy.

Scene 1 : Me and husband watching TV , Need to change the channel , but remote is on the table at the far corner.

Me : Adi , Pass me that remote .

Adi will run , the boy wanna impress me with his speed. He will feel proud that I asked him something. He will rush , bring me the remote and I can see accomplishment in his eyes. Husband and I will clap Good Boy and hail him hero!

Doesn’t all 4-year-old love that?¬†No kidding ! That is a fact.

Haven’t you ever asked any kid to open a¬†water bottle? He will do it with pleasure. ¬†And with more than one 4-year-old , there is a possibility of a riot, each vying for my attention and bring me my desire.

Scene 2 : Am reading , the window is open and the breeze is cool. I feel cold. Perhaps one should switch off the fan.hmm , I wonder who could help me with that?

Adi will run and boy !Am impressed¬†…My Bolt.

This is his one growing phase ¬†, I wish he would never grow out. I wish and it is my husband’s wish too. He is just waiting for the time when he can ask him to bring remote , water bottle , handle switches blah blah blah.

Meanwhile , up above the sky , God was listening. He understood us. He knew what we wanted. He had the exact kid in mind. He was happy to send him to us and we were thrilled to receive him!

Now the Reality.

Scene 2 : Am reading , the window is open and the breeze is cool. I feel cold. Perhaps one should switch off the fan.hmm , I wonder who could help me with that?

Me : Adi, please switch off the fan.

Adi who is playing just a hand away from fan switch , just few inches away  will look up and .

Adi (with curious eyes) : Why mummy ?

Me : coz its cold.

Adi ( with more curiosity): Why is it, cold mummy ?

Me : coz it’s breezy . The window is open. See kitni achi hawa

Adi (with the look of wtf) : Why is the window open?

Me : Coz I left it open? (I hope that will shut him up)

Adi (then it is clearly not my problem look) : Why did you leave it open ?

Me : I did not , but then if you would just reach out .. it is one in the middle.

Adi ( Are you insane) : But you just said you did. Why did you say so?

Me ( Did I say that ? ) : Ahem ahem .. I did say that because I thought ….that .. now it is the one in the middle. It is very breezy .. if you would just.

Adi (I have to get to the bottom of this issue) : What were you thinking mummy ?

….

After 10 minutes and 100 questions later .

I get up and switch off the fan. Yes , the one in the middle.

Meanwhile , up above the sky , God is feeling slightly more proud than he should be. If you ask me !

Thatsmyboy

 

 

How did scene 1 end in reality ? Don’t even get me started unless you are home and am watching TV and I need YOU to pass remote …

Grrrrrrr God ,

wehadadeal

 

PS: All images from google image search. Thank you letting me use!

I want twins …..sure?

2012:

We want twins . We always wanted twins. I have to do something may be eat 2 banana, eat 2 chapati .. everything in multiplication of 2.

Shall we ask doctor if it’s possible somehow ?

I read somewhere women who conceive after certain age are most likely to have twins. Shall we postpone ?

Oh , How I wish I have twins! Let’s check out cloning?

Me : Why can’t you teach your swimmers to join hands and end up in a draw¬†! ..¬†I ¬†really really wanna have twins..

Iwannatwins

 

But Alas , Life is not a freaking wish granting factory!

Doc , Are you sure .. look closely ..their might be another egg and sperm trying out ?

My sister has twins

Am so happy , at least someone has twins…she is so lucky!

sheislucky

My sister comes home with her year old twins named L and K

L sleeps at 2000 , K at 2300. L wakes up at 600  and K at 1000. Each child takes turn to wake up every 2 hours.

L likes cerelac for breakfast , K likes his meal less mushy. Two breakfasts.

L is playing with red car. K wants the very same red car at the very same moment. One screams , other is crazily happy seeing bro scream!

L pees , then K pees and then L poos and then K poos. And then L needs to pee again. And then it is bath time , one after another.

K is playing with his favorite toy when L wants mommy. Then contagiously K also wants mommy. Mommy wants to pee but who cares!

After  2 days , sister goes back with her twins.

Me , husband finally : Yay ! We do not have twins! 

thankgod
Google.

“Bach gaye”!

 

Wedding and cross connected brain..

I attended a wedding, a fulguri wedding , a small  awesome in distinctive village where I spend 15 days every year.
Didn’t get an invitation , They invited my parents before I arrived , now are too busy arranging for big event¬†to send a word out for me¬†but who care’s for an invitation. It was my nephew’s wedding. That translates to wedding in family , must attend.

Wedding was at next village , actually 3rd next. Assamesse have big yards, plenty of space to carry out an event as big as wedding. The house is surrounded 3 sides by paddy fields , no street light and in-frequent commutation. It gets pitch dark at 6 in evening or 3 during winter and someday and sometimes walking is the only way to reach.
I do not know what kind of picture you get from that one line , but (with a dramatic effect) I Love that description , There is no way anyone can stop me from visiting it even  if it means gate crashing a wedding.

And¬†wedding means fish. Not that am sucker¬†for fish(he he he evil laugh). But I also like the mixed veg curry , sometimes accompanied by tok -the ultimate tomato chutney served on banana leaf or rather it’s stem .

This is on the way to their home. Unfortunately I was so engaged during wedding , it didn’t dawn on me to take photos until I was back home to write post about it. Aaaah

ontheway

But finally , I didn’t have to gate crash wedding, coz I was invited by at least 3-4 family relatives. To think of it now , who-ever saw me that morning , asked me to¬†go. They were perhaps wondering I will skip it coz I wasnt invited. They do not know about my love for fish and that I was feeling special.¬†The mother of the groom sent a message with my brother. ¬†eeespecially for me.

I thought¬†I will spend only an hour. ¬†I dressed in my 3 year old peacock blue sari. I think it should be a unique color , not-in-vague considering its almost 4 years old. My¬†head pictured everyone saying ¬†wow-that’s-a-different color sari. In the end me , my son , ma and pa loaded into car and reached the venue. My eyes were surely happy , green is my favorite.

ontheway1

Mother of groom was happy to see me.She is my cousin. This was her son’s wedding. All my cousin’s , spouse , kids ..were there..Aunts /Uncle’s . Senior , Juniors. Newly wed.
I met all of them , I mean ALL of my paternal relatives . I met many after decades. I realized the awkward shy kids are not kids anymore , but young , pierced-ear , SUV driving lads and glads!
Wow .. All of them beautiful and the chit chat. They were curious about me and I about their life.

I met A’s kids – 2 girls and 1 boy. Boy with crew cut and pretty girls .
I met C’s kids – One was wearing nice dress and the other one in Indian traditional dress.
I already know N’s son. ¬†I met him at home. Shy , but big boy.

I returned many smiles and hellos thinking¬†very very very well that this hello face is¬†one of my¬†close relative but no idea who she/he was.¬†I was so damn happy that I do not need to address all of them by name , just “Boa” or Dada!
I met B’s husband. Both are skinny. Match made in heaven.
I tried to memorized where they live , what they do.
All of them , A to Z invited me to come to their place. I said I will try. One said I can come with Kobi , another said I can drive with Dhoney.

Am sure you are bored of reading this , but I wanna tell you
1. That’s why the Indian population is touching a billion. My father are 8 bro and 2 sis. I ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†have 8 cousins from only one uncle.¬†Others- dont get me started.
2. Am not that old even though am an aunt and the fact is am at my nephew’s wedding. ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† Pa’s eldest brother’s eldest son is about his age. Both got married about the same ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†time…
3.Am so so happy to see so many so many of my relatives… I can imagine my family tree. Huge wide banyan tree.

An hour was already gone and I was still there.I looked around the surrounding.  Wind was flowing in and out non stop and am pretty sure they never ever need air conditioning here.

Wedding is a day-night event here. Come for lunch ,have some snacks anytime of day and leave after dinner. After lunch, we decided to visit another cousin living across the paddy field. . She was also at the wedding. She invited a bunch. I wondered how we are gonna go. SUV kid was there with his SUV. He could drive us. Seeing the crowd and playing safe, I took the seat next to driver. The back seat was filling up soon and very soon it was jam-packed, Then someone suggested that I could fit in one more person with me and a kid. God has plans to outdone mine.

ontheway2

It was getting dark and finally time to go home. Am sure I was smiling all the day back home , re-playing chats and events of the day.

After the wedding.

  1. My brain now knows all relatives , their spouse and kids.
  2. But everything is cross connected ūüôā
  3. Was it A  who had  2 girls and a boy or 2 boys and a girl?
  4. Who asked me to come to place with Kobi and which one mentioned to drive with Dhoney? Where the hell do they live!
  5. Fun fact -every third lady was wearing peacock blue. Turned out the fashion of color blue was back after 4 years!

And the best thing. I got the best part of the fish in meal and they served the tomato chutney.

Writing this today , a week since the event, I do not remember any of spouse or kids name. If only there was a wedding in family every vacation every year making us the largest Banyan tree!

 

How we pack ..re-pack .

 How I pack my bag.  

  1. hmm , am going for 15 days , means at-the-least 10-12 dresses.
  2. Then a sari .. what if I have to attend a wedding or family function… (PS : My Ma has truck load of Sari and all I need to do is carry a nice¬†fitting¬†blouse) ¬† But , I have to carry one of my own. (PS : each sari easily qualifies for more than 500 gms and a kilo with accessories and side dress..and my Ma has better collection than me.¬†) ¬†But I look good in this ¬†red one of mine (PS: trust me when I say , each and every girl on this planet earth will look good in sari , in any sari ,no matter what is the figure which means I should look good in any of her sari and skip¬†500 gm ¬†)
  3. Then it sure gonna be hot during march , so I should pack some light cotton dress for hot nights.
  4. Or who knows , it might still be cold during nights. So pair of good woolen socks.
  5. hmm , will it be cold during evening definitely.. Should take a shawl.  (PS : believe me when I say my mother also has truckload of shawl AND socks at home at my disposal)
  6. Perhaps a jacket .. for rides on bike ūüôā
  7. ¬†I should get few dresses… to visit my immediate neighbors. Should not be very fancy , ¬†casual…like I just walked out of my home and visited them. “Oh , this dress , I just ….sorry I forgot to change .. very old
  8. Dress to visit my family relatives who live in the town.
  9. Dress¬†to visit my family relatives who do not live in the town. Well , one doesn’t visit them often , so when one does should try to leave good impression with one’s ¬†new good dress. (PS : The “one” is me needing a new good dress , as if I-meet-them-once-a-decade relatives have seen all my old dresses!)
  10. I have to carry my denim for all comforts of denim pants.. so , hmm 4-5 tops with it.
  11. What if we decide to visit a fine dine.. hmm. none of these qualify.. I should pick a dress…
  12. Well, we sure are planning to go picnic . A picnic dress.
  13. ..

PS: I bet most of you just skimmed through my list. Didn’t read it fully. Do not be asshole .. read it.

And then comes the shoes , sandal , heels , and accessories , gold jewelry , BAGS! and how can I forget my lotions , creams … perfumes..ear-rings !

And then gifts – for all , of all kinds.

And then comes stationary – My diary , a pen ..what if I need to write¬†something , my mother’s house surely may not have a pen and paper. Duh!

Total weight = 14.9Kg . Oh my , just what my airline will allow.

Oh wait , 7 kg allowed as cabin baggage. Hurrah..!

Let me pack my loafers ..so comfy. And an extra pair of pajama. And some nuts for journey.. and this small purse for small occasions..

Time taken : Months of analysis , weeks of shopping , hours of packing , re-packing. And then I might as well miss  my eye-wear!

How my husband packs his bag.

Open up wardrobe. Picks up 5 T-Shirt randomly and 2 pants.

Done.

I insist on carrying a shirt for formal occasion. Open up wardrobe again  , Picks up a shirt.

Done.

I insist on buying new T-Shirt .

Says his 2 year old tees are just as fine as new.

Done.

I insist on carrying something light woolen for nights.

Says he is … done. Done.

Total weight: 5 kg or less?

Time taken : 10 minutes.

How my 3.6 year old car-crazy son  packs his bag.

  1. Red hot-wheel car.
  2. Blue hot-wheel car.
  3. Yellow car.
  4. Mc Queen car.
  5. Blue Jeep
  6. Black truck.
  7. Green car .Mummy , cannot leave it ..Sad ho jayega na (will be sad)

Done.

He thinks this is all he needs for his trip to Nanu ke ghar. Cute , Isnt he ?

My future is bright..

Starting mid of next week, I will be away for 2 whole weeks, ¬†with NO access to phone or internet ūüė¶¬†¬† BUT plenty of access to fresh fish and food cooked by my mother ūüôā

 

PS: My future is bright , starting mid of next week ..As of today, I still have to deal with dreadful monday.

PPS: Away for two whole weeks ..¬†means 2 WHOLE weeks,including weekends ,¬†dreadful monday , yay-am-half-way-through-week wednesday , and wonderful friday ..all without office , no get-ready-for-school-issues ,no get-grocery …

PPPS: The aim is to make readers envious.. Are you ? Oh wow , sounds wonderful , am so envious. No .. not yet ?  See this and wait till I post my agenda for those 2 weeks.. Hint : Includes a hell lot of fish of all sizes and lots of sleeping and a house beside a pond and birds,trees and doing NOTHING.

he he he evil laugh.