Music and dance. Did you know human learned music before language.
Well. Now you definately know.
Music and dance. Did you know human learned music before language.
Well. Now you definately know.
Do not small talk. Do not “Hey, How are you?”.
And never-ever-ever join her on the table. Period.
She might be your best buddy, but you are definitely not hers, not at that moment.
And if that lady happens to be me, with my crush, I might bite, meow, roar or just chuff! It goes south from here, so if your headaches, you will know whom to blame.
You may be the King of the North out to save the world from white walkers, Night King and Zombies, but I am the Queen of Seven Kingdoms, I have two full-grown Dragons, an army of Un-sullied, an army of savages Dortharaki’s……….
I told you, I hate reading…
I reach my office early, not that I want to. But for brevity sake, let’s just know that I get there a good half-an-hour before I should. And I find solace in the cafeteria. I look forward to reading what is happening next in Saleem Sinai life. Add to that, the reading done while commuting to the office, has already transported me to the pre-independence India, somewhere in Delhi, where Saleem Sinai’s mother has just made a public announcement of his existence.
Get this picture straight – Am deep down in the world of words.
You can only find me physically walking to the cafeteria, picking up a cup of coffee and settling down on a table with a book in hand, but in my mind, am not present in cafeteria. Am in Delhi.
Here is a visual, just so you get it straight.
But the universe is full of people who have a head that talks. (rolling eyes) does not read. The cafeteria is mostly empty at this time but has few from this breed. They have their head full of thoughts that ought to be spoken out loud in the presence of another head.
And they join me on my table, the table where I already have a company. Of my book. I could almost bark- Can’t you see, I have a company?
This one here and it’s a bloody good company.
But I didn’t bark. Or even Meow!
And so, I was interrupted by their life’s rumble about travel, office, kids, life ..blablabla. I was lending my ear but inside, I was cursing. You.
It was supposed to be me-reading time. You are at the wrong table! Clearly.
When it happened the second time. I even gave a cue. Out-loud Or maybe I just murmured.
Me picked up my tea, headed to a table. *Spot* a “Hey! Person”, Ignore, ignore and grand Ignore ..
“Hey! Person”: Hey, Are you alone? .. I will bring my cup.
Me: Am not alone… (watching him go to coffee machine) (murmuring) I really don’t need a company.
I hated him. With all my Heart, Kidney, Lung. Cumulative.
And then it all poured out of his mouth….
Forcing me to ask about his life. His commute. His work. But my mind was on the bookmark peeping out of my book placed neatly on the table. It will be only until the end of the day, a good ten hours before I could pick up my story 😦
See, How can I not hate that “Hey! Person?”
I have a book. I don’t need your company.
I have a book. I shouldn’t sit in the cafeteria, find a better place ( Heading to my desk, I realised we have a small pantry, crammed behind reception, on my floor, one down the cafeteria)
I have a book, sit in the pantry, hidden from all Hey! people.
Get the cue 😉 I don’t care!
The feeling, that very soon I am gonna finally fulfill my long awaited desire. That next time, when I come across this title, I will be able to raise my hand and dig into my memory of today.
I finally have a copy of Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie!
Am gonna read it. It’s stupid. I have a crush on a few titles. This is one of them.
In fact, I had to bribe my dear friend/hoarder-of-books/voracious-reader/sorry-cant-part-with-my-book with another of my favorite-yet-unfinished crush of mine. I will give you my “An Era in Darkness..” in exchange for Midnight Children? She paused just for a sec before saying yes. She has her crushes too 😉 I was feeling devilish exploiting her, but heart pounding for Midnight Children!
Some titles are the legend. The authors are the greatest artist in the world. They have created a masterpiece that will live in the memory of millions of peoples, that will outlive them and their readers. That will inspire millions of minds. Will make a person completely stranger to the author smile, or cry or just connect in the deepest level of the heart without even knowing of the existence. That is the power the authors have. The magician of words, the creators of history.
So then, How can I not have a crush?
I have to admit. I just don’t go out and buy all my favorites. They come to me. Each one is an episode. Like it is a conspiracy to slowly unravel to me instead of just heading to my bookshelf.
Here is the conspiracy.
Gone with the Wind – From a college friend, who just wanted to offload book. Was at awe at the courage of Scarlet-O-Hara then and even today.
The Kite Runner – I don’t possess a copy. I got it from my colleague. I loved Afganistan and I could see a boy running under a blue sky covered with colorful paper wings even thinking about it.
The God of Small Thing– Has its own post 🙂
The Tattooist of Auschwitz – Story of Love in the most difficult of time.
On a side note- Why couldn’t I finish “An Era in Darkness…”? because two chapters into the book, I couldn’t look at anything British..ily without resenting them. I just hated them. Plain Hate. And I wasn’t feeling good about the hate. And I know, I love Hugh Grant and Harry Potter! So, it was a tussle and the best thing to do at the time was to abandon the book and pick it up after I could stabilize the raging hormones within me.
So, what am I doing here instead of delving into the story of children born on the stroke of midnight of 15th Aug, 1947?
Am just sitting and admiring the book. Literally. Am just happy that I can start reading it. I have it. The words, the story will come alive soon and I will die knowing I have read a masterpiece, that one day my son, his child and generation of Sayed clan to come have a chance to read this masterpiece and at that moment will be connected to my soul.
Too much? I should just stop now..Am having goosebumps!
Now, tell me about your crush ❤
My bladder is too small. Tiny Winy. I have not X-Rayed, measured or seen its capacity, but I know.
Either that or it simply doesn’t do what it is supposed to do.. what a waste of space. That too, Inside me.
Why am I sizing up my bladder, why does anything make me hate a part of me?
Am going for a meeting in like anytime now – I have to pee. The meeting is over – I have to pee.
I end my day at the office, but before starting home- I have to pee. In fifteen minutes, I reach home- I put my keys in the keyhole and rush I have to pee.
We are going out, am checking everything that should be checked when we are going out because my husband is too lazy to do it, post for some other day how-to-survive-lazy-husband and point for this post, as the last thing I check- THEN I have to pee.
I just closed the door to go out after checking that needs to be checked when we go out and then I remember I left the light on in the bedroom(Puff) I get back in, switch the light off and THEN I have to pee! Again. Doesn’t matter what I did 2 minutes ago.
Am in a conversation and I can feel it mocking me, chanting “Pee, Pee , Pee” some days in Hindi “Susu susu susu” and I have to pee.
Do you see what the bladder is doing to me?Who do I complain, it’s my own bladder. Can you imagine how many minutes I have spent peeing! Am eyeballing .. 1000000!
I hate to see a washroom because THEN DEFINITELY I have to pee.
I hate when someone says “wait .. I will be just back from the toilet” because I have to follow too .. to Pee. Just, please don’t mention pee in front of me. My bladder hears it and THEN I have to pee. It is like it does not know that it is made to hold yellow looking urine. Instead, it behaves like it is sleeping all time, wakes up and “Oh shit, am flooded, there is yellow water in me, flush it out” and I got to go pee. Bladder, you are supposed to be flooded all the time.
Bloody Bladder – I have to pee now.
Sometimes, before I visit washroom, my biggest fear is What if all of them are occupied.. that means a wait and my bladder is not only small but also impatience. Luckily, am more relaxed peeing in India, because there is always more than one toilet inside the door that says washroom. But this was not so much when I was visiting Europe. There, everywhere it was just one door and that opens up to pee. One at a time. I wonder if it is because all Europeans have big bladder(they are certainly taller than Asians) or that no two have the urge to pee at the same time, low pee rate or simply fewer bladders as such for the small population living there. I will never know.
Most of the time, Every time I pee, I envy boys because, by the context of this post, you should at least guess by now – Why? Why I envy boys. I envy boys, or anyone with a natural flexible hose to let out the jet stream in just three steps- un-zip, pee, and zip up. Wash hands if you want too. Do you know how many steps a girl have to go through…It is a bloody obstacle course!
See, how overwhelming it would be for a girl to pee? A race against time and bladder. It is just pure display of bladder power. I dont know what am I writing. This pee post is really making me pee more.
Be right back. From pee.
More on the topic?
Do not get me started about my trips to the bathroom when I was pregnant. The only other thing that I mastered, apart from farting, during those nine months is how to rush to pee. My boy loved to squeeze my bladder and my bladder was like .. Take all the space you need boy, I have been here my whole life. It was my baby’s first toy. Squeeze, mama moving, mama sitting and finally mama aaahhhing.
Speaking on this topic , I do have a question to all the girls wearing jumpsuits .. you know the type of suit that is an adult onesie, only with a belt.
HOW THE HELL YOU MANAGE TO PEE IN THAT?
I cannot imagine wearing it,because I cannot imagine taking it off every half an hour , I hate to change clothes. In my opinion, strippers must have the most boring job. Take it off one at a time, slowly, seductively. Are you kidding me? Just throw it on the couch and be over with!
Aaah .. I really hated bladder. No wonder this post is already so long.
Now, so how did I become friend with my bladder? What changed my mind?
It so happened that I had a good, sumptuous dinner on Monday, the influence of which was clearly visible up at least until Tuesday noon. I think my stomach stopped working because I could feel the meal sitting there, just sitting. The food was awesome. No stomach would want to digest that. .
So, the lazy self was getting wasted on bean bag all morning, almost all noon when.. I felt it. I felt, the urge to pee. And that was the light bulb moment for me… I do not hate my bladder. It is not bad. It is actually my friend..Did you get it?
My bladder, all this time was actually motivating me to be not lazy, but to get up, go to the bathroom , pee and well, bath while am in the bathroom. It is taking care of me, wakes me up early so I am ready to face the day on time. So I learn to meditate. So I learn to pull the right string. So I am with my friend when she needs me in the toilet, both peeing. So I am active in my life, move around, visit the bathroom. Am healthy because of my bladder today. How could I not see that before? I learned so much in all of my pee trip.
I refuse to bow down to any allegation that I could be insidiously annoying this time of the month. I can prove that in none of the conversations, meetings or personal interactions I had this month, I was eating anyone’s brain.
“Oh my god, Am just out from a meeting with H and She was eating my brain over blah blah.”
Nope! That is a lie.
Am a perfect girl this season. One who is
suddenly always a great listener, appreciative, conversationalist, never blah blah blahs. I just cannot annoy anyone. For instance, WordPress is saying I have spam comments and I love these comments but it is all spam, I would not want them to be spam, but it is what it is and WordPress is shielding me,helping me and am not complaining…only hoping that someone selling cheap low Viagra online is also a veracious reader who while enhancing life surfs WordPress and comments on my post “Grade A stuff. I’m unquestionably in your debt.” And instead of clicking on “Empty Spam” because WordPress says it is a spam , I bask in that “Grade A, huh .. I must be good“.
Where am I going with all this? Am not eating anyone’s brain…..I cannot be.
(Coughing) Sorry can’t type anymore .. I think I have some part of your brain stuck in my throat.
(Spitting out) But I cannot eat it .. am fasting. Roza.
Me with fork and knife – Sweetie, Is it time yet? let’s eat some
At the office, my colleague AbhiSwami started an online chat with three of us. Him, me and SatyaSwami.
AbhiSwami : Hi
Me : Hello
AbhiSwami : Can we meet now to discuss the issue ..blah-blah-blah?
Me : sure, now?
SatyaSwami : Give me 10 minutes.
AbhiSwami : Ok
“Give me 10 minutes” *pondering*, So what exactly is SatyaSwami implying?
Is it that to discuss the issue, he demand that both of us give him 10 minutes of (stress on next word) OUR time ( I capitalized it just so you see where am going) which will yield HIM 20 minutes of …..time, to be precise, my time. Did you see what he is doing? Blackmail ..In clear text, in broad daylight, at office?!? WTH SatyaSwami!
Chill lady head!
That could be the beginning of something fun. Hey! I have 20 minutes, got it from my colleagues.Sounds like you have wonderful colleagues….
So now that it is implied that AbhiSwami will give him his next 10 minutes, how will he give him that? Stand next to him. Sleep for next 10 minutes, so that SatyaSwami can do whatever he wanted to do without his colleague hovering over his shoulder “Take my 10 minutes”. Should I go join AbhiSwami *realizing he doesn’t know all this yet, certainly this is in my head*, Should I tell him Let’s go and give our time to SatyaSwami? He asked for it “Give me 10 minutes” and it is certainly no blackmail. I have pondered.
Interesting, So is “time” a commodity now? How shall I order it? Boy! Give me a cord, a
butter butcher butter knife, a hand glove, 100mg chloroform, a big gunny sack …. and a pack of 30 minutes?
*Pondering* What shall I do with this extra time and all the stuff along in my order?
Well, certainly if anyone gives me 30 minutes, You would find me on the bed under the quilt, in the morning, sleeping! I will keep the rest of the stuff in the gunny bag. What were you thinking? chloroform might comes handy at a time when the kid wouldn’t shut his eyes and my eyes won’t remain open!
Would AbhiSwami give me 10 minutes, if I ask? He seems content to give SatyaSwami…no complaint, no question asked. Just “Ok”.
More of blah blah blah…
SatyaSwami pinged and we proceeded to discuss the issue.
Aha! So, That’s how I gave my time when he asked: “Give me 10 minutes”.But he didn’t take it… What a waste of time.
Now, The Epiphany 2.
And after, another 30 or so minutes of writing this.
*Me, Growling* SatyaSwami – YOU OWN ME 40 MINUTES !
Image source – pixabay. check pixabay , great , free pictures.
Coming back to work , after a heavy lunch at a fine-dine restaurant , on a Friday , sponsored by the office , I learned a great deal about human anatomy.
When stomach is full up to the brim , brain stops functioning.
Mind is in trance and human body is capable of sleep walker-talker-worker.
Would you say Zombie – Stage 1 ??
Thank you dear D for nominating me for something very different . Spirit of animal award. How cool is that ! Lots!
So, 5 facts about me.
Now , my favorite part.
Bear, Definitely a Bear , hundred times : Bear. Bear in this life and the next one .
Why ? You bet , at the end of this list ..all you would want is to be a Bear.
PS: Got to make list of people not to terrorize. Either you reader , like this post or send me a plate of fish with a dozen fresh mango to avoid being excluded from that list. You have been warned.
The last and interesting part ..Nominees.
Now this is really difficult for me. Each one in blogging community is so wonderful , it’s hard to name just 10. I love all I read .. So am gonna name the last 10 blogs I started following.
You are by no means obliged to participate, if you’d like to, have fun with it!
Once you’re nominated add the photo to your blog.
Write a short (5 lines or more) description about yourself and what your blog means to you. Oh and if you were an animal, which animal would you be? (No buzzfeed answers please).
Nominate 10 bloggers for this award
Done. Please be Bear. We can hibernate together.Winter is coming.
Quote for today.
“The best way to eat chicken curry -cook it today , put it in fridge, eat it tomorrow.”
Quote for tomorrow.
“You are welcome, Yes am awesome!”
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