The voices inside me today. And Yeah… Happy First Roza!

My voice speaks in italics.

Today is the first day of Ramzan/Ramadan. Am fasting. Means no food, no water from sunrise to sunset.  I can eat as much as I like from sunset to sunrise (And then do not complain why the hell I didn’t lose weight, I was supposed to be that girl who lost weight in a month. Yes Girl.. not Lady)

No shitty thoughts too. No gossiping. No bitching. (I guess that is the true spirit of Ramzan)

No angry voice in the head. Be calm and peaceful. No hungry thoughts.

Remember no shitty thoughts. (Yeah right- Tell that to a mother of a 5-year old boy, staying with her sister who has twin boys. Three boys under my roof. I wonder how my roof is holding up.  How to mute this boy, Strangling with just a little bit pressure? Hey, jumping jacks. That is a sofa, not the trampoline. I will throw you out of the 7th-floor window, let’s see how you bounce up.)

Remember no shitty thoughts.

Okay. Big and Bold.

Am fasting. yeah, yeah, you have heard me write that before.

So my internal organs are just napping right now. They must feel like me, my head and heart on the days when I have little or no work at the office.

Do nothing but be there, just in case. Just do the bare minimum. Check emails, Coffee-try-not-to-yawn- lunch-do-not-close-eyes-coffee-who-asked-you-to-eat-so-much-on-a-sleepy-day. Hurray. Time to go home.

Moving ahead. Voices inside me today.

Kidney guffawed. Yay.. no water, nothing to filter.  Can I go back to watching Stomach? She looks very slim trim today ❤

Puff Kidney.If only it could work like that. Stomach slim trim from not eating for few hours.

Brain: Look at the kidney. Both of them! No load, absolutely no work. Why do I have to work alone? Grrrr Grudging

Release the pee signal. *Evil laugh*

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Kidney- Really??

And am off to release the pee. Sitting on the commode, I do wonder. Truthfully. Cross my heart and hope to die.

Why am I peeing today? Where is this fluid coming from.. whose pee is this? OMG. Who do I have inside me eating?

Remember no shitty thoughts.

So Folks – Eat, drink and enjoy. But remember no shitty thoughts, no bad intentions, No grudges and no Grr.

Happy first Roza! Enjoy the look of it 😉

pepperoni pizza
Photo by Beqa Tefnadze on Pexels.com

 

 

 

 

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Love it…then list it.

Rain. Barish. Definitely on top of my list.

Winter Sun. I love the warmth.

The warmth of my husband…He is hot!

The smile. The million dollar smile of my son, and his inane chatter.

The peace when the inane chatterer is finally asleep.

The sleeping chatterer and his peaceful face.Basically anything he does.

Food. At 1600 hours when am so hungry, I could eat a horse.

Food. At 1900 when am so hungry, I could eat an elephant a fish. I just had horse couple of hours back. I can’t be THAT hungry to eat an elephant now.

Sunrise. I guess. I actually haven’t seen one in a long time.

Bonfire. Only at home. During winters. Holding husband’s hand. Listening to inane chatter surrounded by my siblings and parent. Gosh, I really miss this.

Fish. When it is fried and added in curry.

Or Steamed.

Food seems to occur frequently in my list. Am I hungry now? Would everyone’s list have so much food?

The “Like” on my posts. Seriously. Thank you. Hit that like and remember to follow. Should I shamelessly ask more?

Poo and pee, especially after holding on for a long time. Whatever be the reason for holding.

Saying whatever and nevermind to annoy friend Tomas who hates any conversation that ends with whatever or nevermind.

Nevermind, he doesn’t read my blog. No point annoying my other pretty Readers. So Whatever, let’s continue with my list.

A night out with girl gang. Lollie-pollies, thank you for transforming me into a drunk dancer, saving my ass from the kitty-party-pout-selfies set up!

The left tilt of the weighing scale needle. Yay, am losing it!

Hot steamed white rice with ghee and aloo pitika (mashed potato).

I hope no one notices that the previous bullet is about food. Should I not write this post on an empty stomach. Do I see a pizza in the air?

Words. Fonts.

A resolved bug. Am surprised it is on my list. I do not want to be known as the IT girl.

Horror stories and the chit-chatting about the ghost. Are you sure there is no ghost in your apartment?

The call from a friend at 2230 hours to have cake. Home-made. Freshly baked. Nidhi , You rock 🎸

My phone showing Papa calling…

The bed. When it is all made neatly. Ready to engulf me.

Cuddling. Under a cover. Warm body.

Or Just me under a warm quilt/razai.

Sleeping late in the morning. Or just sleeping.

Chat at 3 am. Actually I hate that. Why can’t I sleep? Text at 3. Naaah.

Saturday and Sunday! Why don’t we have more of these days in a week? Like Mon, Sun, Tue, Sun, Wed, Sat, Thurs, Sat, Fri and then of course Sat-Sun. I stretched 7 days to 11 days. I think we can nip Monday. And Thursday too. And call it 9 days a week.

Book authored by John Green. When you stopped wishing things wouldn’t fall apart, you’d stop suffering when they did.

I swear, my husband would swear by that line. He is a certified non-sufferer. Contest open for anyone who can make him suffer. Prize money 1 million. I know I will make cool million.

Harry Potter movie. Add The Fantastic Beast to the list. Hindi Movie QueenLondon thumakta.

Assam. North East. India. Mountain.

The Big Bang Theory. And Friends. I will be there for you..

A long weekend. It’s coming soon…

Kaju-katli (Dry cashew nut sweet) and Mango (The king of the fruit). No one can eat just one. Summer is only good because of Mango.

Fart. Am so proud I could say that out loud. Technically I wrote. Didn’t say. Whatever.

Nevermind.Are you reading this? I sure do hope you do and be annoyed.

A good book. One that you cannot put down. Especially the last few chapters.

A walk in the rain. Even if it is silly. Amu- Do you remember our walk around apartment last monsoon. PS: Readers- Amu and I are NOT a thing together, although it would seem like two persons walking under rain as being a thing together.

Sunset, I always wished to have a dress that steals color from the setting sun.

The color of beetroot.

Capsicum and Bell Pepper.

Hey, Have you have lost weight…patli ho gaye hai” kind of greeting.

The coffee-time at the office.

The lunchtime at the office. Without A. He eats very slow. He is a sloth-like-eater. Actually, sloth will win.

Me and son jumping in front of the TV when the husband is insanely occupied into the TV.

Lotus. Always fascinated by this. Never seen one up close.

Color Green. It suits anyone, anything. Pleasant to eyes. One would say Blue. Whatever.

That should be all..for now. Nevermind my list. What are the things that you love the most? Make a list this valentine and be thankful.

❤💕💓💖💞💘💛💜💙💞💗👣

Image source…Google.

PJ and some blah blah.

I refuse to bow down to any allegation that I could be insidiously annoying this time of the month. I can prove that in none of the conversations, meetings or personal interactions I had this month, I was eating anyone’s brain.

“Oh my god, Am just out from a meeting with H and She was eating my brain over blah blah.”

Nope! That is a lie.

Am a perfect girl this season. One who is suddenly always a great listener, appreciative, conversationalist, never blah blah blahs. I just cannot annoy anyone.  For instance, WordPress is saying I have spam comments and I love these comments but it is all spam, I would not want them to be spam, but it is what it is and WordPress is shielding me,helping me and am not complaining…only hoping that someone selling cheap low Viagra online is also a veracious reader who while enhancing life surfs WordPress and comments on my post “Grade A stuff. I’m unquestionably in your debt.”  And instead of clicking on “Empty Spam” because WordPress says it is a spam , I bask in that “Grade A, huh .. I must be good“.

Where am I going with all this? Am not eating anyone’s brain…..I cannot be.

(Coughing) Sorry can’t type anymore .. I think I have some part of your brain stuck in my throat.

(Spitting out) But I cannot eat it .. am fasting. Roza.

Happy Ramadan.

Me with fork and knife – Sweetie, Is it time yet? let’s eat some brain  dates.

Image source

 

Diet for weight loss.

Girls at my office eat only salad for lunch.

Girls. If I call them ladies, they might be offended 😉

Salad, only vegetarian like beet, cucumber, sprouts, broccoli .. blah blah. Most of them are vegetarian.I can hardly look at it.

At this point, I imagine many of my readers are offended – Hira, Veg-Salad is also as good as meat. 

That’s a lie. And that’s a fact.

PS: I have a confession. I cannot leave any chance to take a dig at my vegetarian friends – on their face, on my blog, in my head (look at them being so excited about rajma-chawla. crazy!). I know I need to see a therapist, a vegetarian one. With a meat eating therapist, we might make more jokes….

child-1822471_640

“And then he ordered vegetarian biryani, ha ha ha”  Pic source- Pixabay. 

Come to think of it – I eat chicken, but they, the vegetarians eat the food that was meant for the hen and its family. Food that was to nourish other grass-eating animals. Where is the humanity when you snatch that food out of their plate into yours?

At least, am eating my food. Not others.

Now the counter argument could be how could I be better when I EAT chicken. That sounds even gross than eating the food they eat.

Let’s hear another fact. I eat chicken and fish. So I can only state about chicken and fish. And, I do not consider egg and milk as non-veg, just like many of my vegetarian friends.

“All chicken, all of them are born to be chicken curry or chicken fry or chicken roast blah blah. Chicken is not born to live the life to fullest.They serve a purpose, fulfill their destiny, now it’s time to be fried! By eating chicken, am just playing my part in the larger play of life.Chicken’s life.”

“As for fish, once they are out of the water, certainly cannot survive. I might as well eat to recycle the protein content. I mean, I cannot see food waste.”

Back to original conversation starter-

Girls at my office eat only salad for lunch.

If weight loss is in agenda, I wonder if they have noticed how Cows, Buffalo, Elephants are as compared to meat eating- Cheetah, Panther, Leopard? Hint: size. Pic source- Pixabay. 

This eats only grass, just like you.

elephant-2064249_1920

This eats meat and just look at that perfect figure, slender waist, lean legs and don’t get me started on stamina!

Moral of the post.

Follow cheetah’s diet if you wanna lose weight. Not elephant’s.

Cake or Roti, A Valentine must have.

14th Feb was Valentine day. It is a silly day to celebrate love. Love should be celebrated every day. Not just one day. And with that one line, I sound bored.I know.

Anyhow.

We sort of did. Yay ! The basic minimum. He got me a wonderful cake. He always gets me a cake. That is the least, I know his lazy bones does permit.

A cake on 14th Feb 2006:

Me: Oh Sweetie, I love you ❤

A cake on 14th Feb 2017

Me: Holly-Molly, there sits a kilo weight gain. Why couldn’t it be valentine sandwich?? What is wrong in that thought??!

On second thought- I think it is better Valentine is celebrated only once a year.

Nevermind the weight-gain. I had a bite, then another one, few more and few more and then stopped ..only to begin again. Look at the cake .. How can anyone stop after a bite, you must be very very cruel to not go for the second spoon of THAT?

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Anyhow, moving ahead.

For the curious minds, the next question might be..”What did you do, ha? yeah, for him, on valentine? What did you get him?

I made a chapati, aka India bread. It came out pretty well. Can you see the shape? Cool,Eh 😀

heart

For those of you, who couldn’t figure out what is pretty cool about that bread is.I will spell it out for you. It is a heart. A perfect  heart.

Aha!Got it ? Eureka!

Shush, Now, listen, you observant folks. Very important. “Do not tell anyone that I cannot make perfect round roti aka Indian bread.” Do. Not. Nope. Zip your lips, sealed forever. Cross your heart and hope to die.

Especially, don’t go tell my husband it-wasn’t-intented-to-be-heart-shaped because what really matters is the shape at the end. And what is it? A heart.

So, Now folks, What do you think, which one is a better valentine must-have? (Hint: new age romance)

A heart shaped cake ( Naaah ..that is so 1947! Everyone does that since the big bang, cake, chocolate, flowers!)

OR

A heart shaped roti (Now, that’s what I will call a symbol of love.. pure love and affection, very uncommon, very creative, very new age romance, every piece is unique!)

Gosh, Am so romantic. My husband must be feeling lucky. 

And not hungry anymore. 

Just when I decided to quit eating sweet , Universe noticed Aha.

And my dear neighbor decided to learn to bake cakes !

Two. Chocolate and Pineapple.

With frosting. Pink !

Pineapple is my favorite !

True Story.

whatsapp-image-2016-12-06-at-10-06-52-pm

Universe : Victory! 

 

On the days when you don’t feel like cooking…

… you have permission to use my recipe, am gonna share with you.And thank me (profusely) later , which am sure you would (profusely).

Because not only am sharing a quick easy peasy recipe , am giving wings to ideas , one where you will find yourself spending less time in the kitchen and more time doing whatever shit you wanna do outside kitchen,without compromising on taste. Yes. This recipe is awesome!

Now , continue , without any more delays , Here it is

Drum rolls !

Cooking time , 20 minutes.

Actual cooking time , in the kitchen – 5 minutes.

  1. Get a packet of noodles and a packet of soup. Any soup , any noodle. I have these two in my storage. Veg Hakka Noodles and Chicken Delite Knorr Soup. 20160821_194834

 

  1. Find a deep pot , Boil water as per instructions on noodle packet. I didn’t wait long enough and added tomato , pea and then white sesame seeds for its looks! Handsome colors ha ?

Once the water starts boiling , add soup , stir it once.Avoid any lumps.

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  1. Once the soup powder is completely dissolved , add noodles. Add whatever veggie /chicken /meat residing in your  fridge. I added tomato , peas, paneer, green chilli , cauliflower blah blah blah. At this time , I missed boneless chicken a lot 😦 ,but what the hell , continue.

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  1. I peeked again into a fridge and found this leftover chickpea curry and awesome mint chutney. Moto is to add  whatever is left in your fridge. Get rid of that sauce lying there for a week , or the curry you no more like to have as is , blah blah !

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Now , your 5 minutes into the kitchen is over. Go out of this fire and water chamber , find something else to do , like reading this post , clicking on like and follow!

Check on the soupy noodle after some time and see if the consistency appeals you. Mine was appealing and this is how it look in the end.

20160821_201223

This was a few weeks ago , and I have already tried this twice , days when my cook ditched me and I was in no mood to cook which seems perpetual these days.

Go one , try it.

And , If by some bad karma , or past life sins , or sins of your forefathers , or sins of your neighbour ,   or sins of your friends , highly incapable and unqualified taste buds,  you didn’t like what you cooked by following my recipe, You are permitted to cuss me, call me names , but remember “Who made the dish? YOU! HIGH TIME , Take responsibility for your action !” <End of barking>

Happy eating!

Vegan friends , I feel your pain!

Scene : Dinner time , no chicken , no fish , not every egg. Okra fry and Indian bread. My life sucks!

Suddenly  , I feel a pain in my heart. OMG ! Am I having a heart attack?

My head tries to focus on food , trying best to relish it , but my heart has given up. So you see “the” heart attack.

This is how blabbing goes…

I have always felt pain and sorry for vegans. I mean , what do you get to eat as vegetarians? I see them jumping at paneer dish , craving for chole-batura.

Oh my ! What a pity …Have they ever tasted keema rolls??

Head : .. You seriously can’t be saying this ?  

No , no , I do. really. With all my heart , I feel for them. A good vegan food is an oxymoron.

Head: Oh C’ON , veggie is good.

I know I should not be saying this on a public post , I will get backlash from all my vegan fan following..Sign! Not to mention my vegan friends.

Head: fan? Do you mean the ceiling fan ….. ha ha ha I mean this is your best joke ever!

Ignoring head , he is a nut….

Head: You are confused again, I am you , your head. I cannot be He. Wrong pronoun lady. Again!

How can you be Me, you just advocated for vegans!

Head: You do know capsicum is your favourite. You like Began ka bharta and Aloo pitika is the best mashed potato in the world!

So, I have few favourite. But I cannot live on veg alone , I mean I need chicken , egg or fish.

My refrigerator needs protein , and so does my stomach.

My liver needs to filter some chicken soup and my eyes are looking out for surmai fish , covered with semolina , soaked in masala , ting of lemon juice,  cooked slowly on a pan with mustard oil . Aaah !

I hate my dinner . And my vegan friends , I will show some solidarity and be happy and jump at paneer butter masala , but my true love will always be ..

Head (to his fans   vegan fans ) : This is not my heart!

 

Egg is yummy , nice on tummy but comes from bummy , says my hubby!

Scene 1:

Me and Husband eating boiled egg-potato curry with steamed rice for dinner. Am in good mood. Even though egg is not fish , I consider anything that moves or has capacity to move , if not eaten in its embryonic state qualifies for a good dinner and happy stomach.

PS: Now that I have it written , it sounds kind of gross.. to eat living breathing creatures which could move, crawl or moan.

PPS :My head quickly throws above PS out of window and I strike it out.  

Anyways, Back to dinner.

HappyEggs

Egg is yummy and nice on tummy!

Scene 2 :
With happy stomach , we sat down with son to watch Ant bully -The movie.

Lucas the boy , sits to eat with his ant-friends what they call honeydew “treat”. Its a wobbly-dobbly green blob liquid. Lucas loved it and finishes it off quickly ,prompting an ant to ask if he wants more. Of-course he wants more. Its so tasty. It’s a treat ,

The ant turns around , happily places the bowl to collect more of the “treat” coming out of a caterpillar’s bottom.

Holy Lord , Lucas was eating caterpillar’s poop!

Me : Ewwwww , that is gross.. I can never ever have anything , however tasty it is ,coming out of any creature’s bottom!

Husband  Evil laughs for 5 minutes

After 5 minutes,  What do you think  ,where does egg come from ?

BadEgg

Egg is no yummy , comes from bummy , says my hubby

Am bored and cooking bore.

Am bored.

Am bored of eating , eating the same vegetarian diet day after day , night after night.

Am not pure vegan , neither my husband , but we are I am the most laziest couple person on planet earth. Laziness supersede all other love , even love for good food. We I can’t get our my ass off our house to buy meat, to order online. (PS: Asked my husband to edit and he strikes out “we” to “I” , but trust me , it is we as team lazy ..)

It’s been more than 2 weeks since … the fragrance , the sound , the touch , the physical presence of chicken plate, It still lingers in my mouth and keep me awake on lonely nights. Everything reminds me of it. I look at moon and think why cant it be like chicken leg. I look at flowers and think why cant it be fragnant as chicken curry.

I rage for you , my body aches for you.. to be specific stomach  , watering tongue , and the Mademoiselle Pallate.

Oh dear lord , hey bhagwan , Allah!  Am in love with chicken.

Am missing it so much.

And fish..

Aaah , my heart aches even to write fish. Or when my son sings the rhyme of fish “Machli jal ki rani hai”.  I should code-name it something else , as well teach my son another rhyme. So my poor heart can be happy. Henceforth , no fish but hsif.

Now  , some of your will be think , What rubbish. Am vegan and am quite good without meat.

If you answered Yes to this , please go to nearest doctor and get your eyes checked out.

What?! Eyes , why ?

Still not clear why ?  Proves me right , no fish means no good eyesight AND no brains.

Moving along.

Am bored. I know I have said this like 100 times already for you to read , but I hope I have made by point clear – am really really bored of eating vegan diet in past 2 weeks, bored to death, eating is not fun like before.

Heck, even my fridge is complaining . “Do you remember party at Somjit ? Fridge at his place had a kilo of basa fish and a kilo of chicken and perhaps more meat jam-packed into freezer and look what do I have – Ice”.

Fridge is right , it need protein. Protein that comes from fish. Am thinking Salmon and Chicken and Surmai , pomphret , rohu and mince meat.

Moving along.

Am bored. So when I had to cook vegan again, specifically this below , I said enough.

ivy_gourd_in_india
It is green , taste okay , it is just vegan

 

I refused to create any usual vegetable. At least , lemme spice it up. But I will not waste time cutting it up into bite size pieces. To hell with bite size ,like it is gonna make bite size coccinia into chicken.  I will just cut it into half and cook.  That is my bite size.

It’s just co-incidence  , both starts from “C”. Chicken or coccinia or cundro (In hindi , should start with C , but ..

Anyways – here is a dish for your boring vegan days , tip for broken heart and stomach -From -another green eating rotten stomach.

Steps to follow… after cutting each one into half.

(1) Look at leftover , Do you think anything will get along with this?

(2) Nothing . Look again ?

(3) Al rite ,look at sauce compartment. Anything?  for the love of looking .. pls look harder. I cannot cut onion and tomato paste to make elaborate masala.

(4) Got it – chutney , peatnut chutney , leftover from Dosa yesterday. It is just simple roasted peanut , powdered spice and two rounds in grinder with a bit of water.

(5) Add a tomato and fry it a little . That should be step 5.20160217_090010

 

(6) Next add the chutney directly to the pot along with tomato and coccinia.

PS : This is the exact moment when my husband reminded that I should have cooked chutney a little before adding it and that it is a bad choice coz it sticks to pan and I need to stir it constantly now . If only he was present during step 1.

Aaah ! Too late.

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(7) It sticks to pan , but remember pan-stick-gravy is always tasty. So praise the lord and continue the stir. Add all powdered spice like Salt , Coriander , Turmeric. And then I added those white and black seeds for looks only!

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(8)  Sorry – keep stirring . Try not to curse ALL vegetables on planet earth. We need vitamins and minerals for good skin and hair. Stir ,else it might stick to pan like below.

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(9) By now , I was bored of stirring , bored of cooking a vegeterian dish. I mean, what the hell it is not like am stirring continuously from last 10 minutes to cook chicken curry?! It is not magically transform into chicken or fish curry ? Will it.

Screw it. Add water. Lots of water.20160217_092122

(10) Close the pot , simmer the heat and go watch “Street Food” on TLC or read blog.

No wait. I have to get ready for office and get Adi ready for school. Forget about chicken.

(11) After a while , check on pot. End was not so bad , I will say. The lunch was a semi success 🙂20160217_091131

 

PS: That was on Monday , Today is Sunday and I bought – 2 Surmai and a packet of mince meat . My stomach is happy , So I completed this post 🙂