PJ and some blah blah.

I refuse to bow down to any allegation that I could be insidiously annoying this time of the month. I can prove that in none of the conversations, meetings or personal interactions I had this month, I was eating anyone’s brain.

“Oh my god, Am just out from a meeting with H and She was eating my brain over blah blah.”

Nope! That is a lie.

Am a perfect girl this season. One who is suddenly always a great listener, appreciative, conversationalist, never blah blah blahs. I just cannot annoy anyone.  For instance, WordPress is saying I have spam comments and I love these comments but it is all spam, I would not want them to be spam, but it is what it is and WordPress is shielding me,helping me and am not complaining…only hoping that someone selling cheap low Viagra online is also a veracious reader who while enhancing life surfs WordPress and comments on my post “Grade A stuff. I’m unquestionably in your debt.”  And instead of clicking on “Empty Spam” because WordPress says it is a spam , I bask in that “Grade A, huh .. I must be good“.

Where am I going with all this? Am not eating anyone’s brain…..I cannot be.

(Coughing) Sorry can’t type anymore .. I think I have some part of your brain stuck in my throat.

(Spitting out) But I cannot eat it .. am fasting. Roza.

Happy Ramadan.

Me with fork and knife – Sweetie, Is it time yet? let’s eat some brain  dates.

Image source

 

Diet for weight loss.

Girls at my office eat only salad for lunch.

Girls. If I call them ladies, they might be offended 😉

Salad, only vegetarian like beet, cucumber, sprouts, broccoli .. blah blah. Most of them are vegetarian.I can hardly look at it.

At this point, I imagine many of my readers are offended – Hira, Veg-Salad is also as good as meat. 

That’s a lie. And that’s a fact.

PS: I have a confession. I cannot leave any chance to take a dig at my vegetarian friends – on their face, on my blog, in my head (look at them being so excited about rajma-chawla. crazy!). I know I need to see a therapist, a vegetarian one. With a meat eating therapist, we might make more jokes….

child-1822471_640

“And then he ordered vegetarian biryani, ha ha ha”  Pic source- Pixabay. 

Come to think of it – I eat chicken, but they, the vegetarians eat the food that was meant for the hen and its family. Food that was to nourish other grass-eating animals. Where is the humanity when you snatch that food out of their plate into yours?

At least, am eating my food. Not others.

Now the counter argument could be how could I be better when I EAT chicken. That sounds even gross than eating the food they eat.

Let’s hear another fact. I eat chicken and fish. So I can only state about chicken and fish. And, I do not consider egg and milk as non-veg, just like many of my vegetarian friends.

“All chicken, all of them are born to be chicken curry or chicken fry or chicken roast blah blah. Chicken is not born to live the life to fullest.They serve a purpose, fulfill their destiny, now it’s time to be fried! By eating chicken, am just playing my part in the larger play of life.Chicken’s life.”

“As for fish, once they are out of the water, certainly cannot survive. I might as well eat to recycle the protein content. I mean, I cannot see food waste.”

Back to original conversation starter-

Girls at my office eat only salad for lunch.

If weight loss is in agenda, I wonder if they have noticed how Cows, Buffalo, Elephants are as compared to meat eating- Cheetah, Panther, Leopard? Hint: size. Pic source- Pixabay. 

This eats only grass, just like you.

elephant-2064249_1920

This eats meat and just look at that perfect figure, slender waist, lean legs and don’t get me started on stamina!

Moral of the post.

Follow cheetah’s diet if you wanna lose weight. Not elephant’s.

Cake or Roti, A Valentine must have.

14th Feb was Valentine day. It is a silly day to celebrate love. Love should be celebrated every day. Not just one day. And with that one line, I sound bored.I know.

Anyhow.

We sort of did. Yay ! The basic minimum. He got me a wonderful cake. He always gets me a cake. That is the least, I know his lazy bones does permit.

A cake on 14th Feb 2006:

Me: Oh Sweetie, I love you ❤

A cake on 14th Feb 2017

Me: Holly-Molly, there sits a kilo weight gain. Why couldn’t it be valentine sandwich?? What is wrong in that thought??!

On second thought- I think it is better Valentine is celebrated only once a year.

Nevermind the weight-gain. I had a bite, then another one, few more and few more and then stopped ..only to begin again. Look at the cake .. How can anyone stop after a bite, you must be very very cruel to not go for the second spoon of THAT?

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Anyhow, moving ahead.

For the curious minds, the next question might be..”What did you do, ha? yeah, for him, on valentine? What did you get him?

I made a chapati, aka India bread. It came out pretty well. Can you see the shape? Cool,Eh 😀

heart

For those of you, who couldn’t figure out what is pretty cool about that bread is.I will spell it out for you. It is a heart. A perfect  heart.

Aha!Got it ? Eureka!

Shush, Now, listen, you observant folks. Very important. “Do not tell anyone that I cannot make perfect round roti aka Indian bread.” Do. Not. Nope. Zip your lips, sealed forever. Cross your heart and hope to die.

Especially, don’t go tell my husband it-wasn’t-intented-to-be-heart-shaped because what really matters is the shape at the end. And what is it? A heart.

So, Now folks, What do you think, which one is a better valentine must-have? (Hint: new age romance)

A heart shaped cake ( Naaah ..that is so 1947! Everyone does that since the big bang, cake, chocolate, flowers!)

OR

A heart shaped roti (Now, that’s what I will call a symbol of love.. pure love and affection, very uncommon, very creative, very new age romance, every piece is unique!)

Gosh, Am so romantic. My husband must be feeling lucky. 

And not hungry anymore. 

Just when I decided to quit eating sweet , Universe noticed Aha.

And my dear neighbor decided to learn to bake cakes !

Two. Chocolate and Pineapple.

With frosting. Pink !

Pineapple is my favorite !

True Story.

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Universe : Victory! 

 

On the days when you don’t feel like cooking…

… you have permission to use my recipe, am gonna share with you.And thank me (profusely) later , which am sure you would (profusely).

Because not only am sharing a quick easy peasy recipe , am giving wings to ideas , one where you will find yourself spending less time in the kitchen and more time doing whatever shit you wanna do outside kitchen,without compromising on taste. Yes. This recipe is awesome!

Now , continue , without any more delays , Here it is

Drum rolls !

Cooking time , 20 minutes.

Actual cooking time , in the kitchen – 5 minutes.

  1. Get a packet of noodles and a packet of soup. Any soup , any noodle. I have these two in my storage. Veg Hakka Noodles and Chicken Delite Knorr Soup. 20160821_194834

 

  1. Find a deep pot , Boil water as per instructions on noodle packet. I didn’t wait long enough and added tomato , pea and then white sesame seeds for its looks! Handsome colors ha ?

Once the water starts boiling , add soup , stir it once.Avoid any lumps.

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  1. Once the soup powder is completely dissolved , add noodles. Add whatever veggie /chicken /meat residing in your  fridge. I added tomato , peas, paneer, green chilli , cauliflower blah blah blah. At this time , I missed boneless chicken a lot 😦 ,but what the hell , continue.

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  1. I peeked again into a fridge and found this leftover chickpea curry and awesome mint chutney. Moto is to add  whatever is left in your fridge. Get rid of that sauce lying there for a week , or the curry you no more like to have as is , blah blah !

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Now , your 5 minutes into the kitchen is over. Go out of this fire and water chamber , find something else to do , like reading this post , clicking on like and follow!

Check on the soupy noodle after some time and see if the consistency appeals you. Mine was appealing and this is how it look in the end.

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This was a few weeks ago , and I have already tried this twice , days when my cook ditched me and I was in no mood to cook which seems perpetual these days.

Go one , try it.

And , If by some bad karma , or past life sins , or sins of your forefathers , or sins of your neighbour ,   or sins of your friends , highly incapable and unqualified taste buds,  you didn’t like what you cooked by following my recipe, You are permitted to cuss me, call me names , but remember “Who made the dish? YOU! HIGH TIME , Take responsibility for your action !” <End of barking>

Happy eating!

Vegan friends , I feel your pain!

Scene : Dinner time , no chicken , no fish , not every egg. Okra fry and Indian bread. My life sucks!

Suddenly  , I feel a pain in my heart. OMG ! Am I having a heart attack?

My head tries to focus on food , trying best to relish it , but my heart has given up. So you see “the” heart attack.

This is how blabbing goes…

I have always felt pain and sorry for vegans. I mean , what do you get to eat as vegetarians? I see them jumping at paneer dish , craving for chole-batura.

Oh my ! What a pity …Have they ever tasted keema rolls??

Head : .. You seriously can’t be saying this ?  

No , no , I do. really. With all my heart , I feel for them. A good vegan food is an oxymoron.

Head: Oh C’ON , veggie is good.

I know I should not be saying this on a public post , I will get backlash from all my vegan fan following..Sign! Not to mention my vegan friends.

Head: fan? Do you mean the ceiling fan ….. ha ha ha I mean this is your best joke ever!

Ignoring head , he is a nut….

Head: You are confused again, I am you , your head. I cannot be He. Wrong pronoun lady. Again!

How can you be Me, you just advocated for vegans!

Head: You do know capsicum is your favourite. You like Began ka bharta and Aloo pitika is the best mashed potato in the world!

So, I have few favourite. But I cannot live on veg alone , I mean I need chicken , egg or fish.

My refrigerator needs protein , and so does my stomach.

My liver needs to filter some chicken soup and my eyes are looking out for surmai fish , covered with semolina , soaked in masala , ting of lemon juice,  cooked slowly on a pan with mustard oil . Aaah !

I hate my dinner . And my vegan friends , I will show some solidarity and be happy and jump at paneer butter masala , but my true love will always be ..

Head (to his fans   vegan fans ) : This is not my heart!

 

Egg is yummy , nice on tummy but comes from bummy , says my hubby!

Scene 1:

Me and Husband eating boiled egg-potato curry with steamed rice for dinner. Am in good mood. Even though egg is not fish , I consider anything that moves or has capacity to move , if not eaten in its embryonic state qualifies for a good dinner and happy stomach.

PS: Now that I have it written , it sounds kind of gross.. to eat living breathing creatures which could move, crawl or moan.

PPS :My head quickly throws above PS out of window and I strike it out.  

Anyways, Back to dinner.

HappyEggs

Egg is yummy and nice on tummy!

Scene 2 :
With happy stomach , we sat down with son to watch Ant bully -The movie.

Lucas the boy , sits to eat with his ant-friends what they call honeydew “treat”. Its a wobbly-dobbly green blob liquid. Lucas loved it and finishes it off quickly ,prompting an ant to ask if he wants more. Of-course he wants more. Its so tasty. It’s a treat ,

The ant turns around , happily places the bowl to collect more of the “treat” coming out of a caterpillar’s bottom.

Holy Lord , Lucas was eating caterpillar’s poop!

Me : Ewwwww , that is gross.. I can never ever have anything , however tasty it is ,coming out of any creature’s bottom!

Husband  Evil laughs for 5 minutes

After 5 minutes,  What do you think  ,where does egg come from ?

BadEgg

Egg is no yummy , comes from bummy , says my hubby

Am bored and cooking bore.

Am bored.

Am bored of eating , eating the same vegetarian diet day after day , night after night.

Am not pure vegan , neither my husband , but we are I am the most laziest couple person on planet earth. Laziness supersede all other love , even love for good food. We I can’t get our my ass off our house to buy meat, to order online. (PS: Asked my husband to edit and he strikes out “we” to “I” , but trust me , it is we as team lazy ..)

It’s been more than 2 weeks since … the fragrance , the sound , the touch , the physical presence of chicken plate, It still lingers in my mouth and keep me awake on lonely nights. Everything reminds me of it. I look at moon and think why cant it be like chicken leg. I look at flowers and think why cant it be fragnant as chicken curry.

I rage for you , my body aches for you.. to be specific stomach  , watering tongue , and the Mademoiselle Pallate.

Oh dear lord , hey bhagwan , Allah!  Am in love with chicken.

Am missing it so much.

And fish..

Aaah , my heart aches even to write fish. Or when my son sings the rhyme of fish “Machli jal ki rani hai”.  I should code-name it something else , as well teach my son another rhyme. So my poor heart can be happy. Henceforth , no fish but hsif.

Now  , some of your will be think , What rubbish. Am vegan and am quite good without meat.

If you answered Yes to this , please go to nearest doctor and get your eyes checked out.

What?! Eyes , why ?

Still not clear why ?  Proves me right , no fish means no good eyesight AND no brains.

Moving along.

Am bored. I know I have said this like 100 times already for you to read , but I hope I have made by point clear – am really really bored of eating vegan diet in past 2 weeks, bored to death, eating is not fun like before.

Heck, even my fridge is complaining . “Do you remember party at Somjit ? Fridge at his place had a kilo of basa fish and a kilo of chicken and perhaps more meat jam-packed into freezer and look what do I have – Ice”.

Fridge is right , it need protein. Protein that comes from fish. Am thinking Salmon and Chicken and Surmai , pomphret , rohu and mince meat.

Moving along.

Am bored. So when I had to cook vegan again, specifically this below , I said enough.

ivy_gourd_in_india
It is green , taste okay , it is just vegan

 

I refused to create any usual vegetable. At least , lemme spice it up. But I will not waste time cutting it up into bite size pieces. To hell with bite size ,like it is gonna make bite size coccinia into chicken.  I will just cut it into half and cook.  That is my bite size.

It’s just co-incidence  , both starts from “C”. Chicken or coccinia or cundro (In hindi , should start with C , but ..

Anyways – here is a dish for your boring vegan days , tip for broken heart and stomach -From -another green eating rotten stomach.

Steps to follow… after cutting each one into half.

(1) Look at leftover , Do you think anything will get along with this?

(2) Nothing . Look again ?

(3) Al rite ,look at sauce compartment. Anything?  for the love of looking .. pls look harder. I cannot cut onion and tomato paste to make elaborate masala.

(4) Got it – chutney , peatnut chutney , leftover from Dosa yesterday. It is just simple roasted peanut , powdered spice and two rounds in grinder with a bit of water.

(5) Add a tomato and fry it a little . That should be step 5.20160217_090010

 

(6) Next add the chutney directly to the pot along with tomato and coccinia.

PS : This is the exact moment when my husband reminded that I should have cooked chutney a little before adding it and that it is a bad choice coz it sticks to pan and I need to stir it constantly now . If only he was present during step 1.

Aaah ! Too late.

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(7) It sticks to pan , but remember pan-stick-gravy is always tasty. So praise the lord and continue the stir. Add all powdered spice like Salt , Coriander , Turmeric. And then I added those white and black seeds for looks only!

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(8)  Sorry – keep stirring . Try not to curse ALL vegetables on planet earth. We need vitamins and minerals for good skin and hair. Stir ,else it might stick to pan like below.

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(9) By now , I was bored of stirring , bored of cooking a vegeterian dish. I mean, what the hell it is not like am stirring continuously from last 10 minutes to cook chicken curry?! It is not magically transform into chicken or fish curry ? Will it.

Screw it. Add water. Lots of water.20160217_092122

(10) Close the pot , simmer the heat and go watch “Street Food” on TLC or read blog.

No wait. I have to get ready for office and get Adi ready for school. Forget about chicken.

(11) After a while , check on pot. End was not so bad , I will say. The lunch was a semi success 🙂20160217_091131

 

PS: That was on Monday , Today is Sunday and I bought – 2 Surmai and a packet of mince meat . My stomach is happy , So I completed this post 🙂

 

Quote for today.

“The best way to eat chicken curry -cook it today , put it in fridge, eat it tomorrow.”

Quote for tomorrow.

“You are welcome, Yes am awesome!”

 

Capsicum butt stuffed, a complete family entertainment!

Capsolovers family..

My favorite vegetable is capsicum. My husband eats capsicum ..we consume at least a kilo a week. My complete family loves capsicum! We are capsolovers !

Head : Liar ! Husband hates capsicum , your 3 year old boy doesn’t eat any vegetable. Family of capsoooooohaters!

Hey ! careful head , Husband , he eats it..I have prepared for him ..

Head (interrupting) : wait ,I haven’t finished yet ..  And capsolovers ??.. is NO word. See spellcheck is screaming !

 *continuing in a tone of sophistication * : And  by eating , if you mean , trying to thaw it with spoon and murmuring hate for every mouthful  before deciding ,”enough I need an omelette” then yes he did eat capsicum.

Alrite (making a mental note of not lying in front of head),  1/3rd of my family loves capsicum. That is the stat. We are three . Including me.

Head : Do the maths lady ..

So , C’on , what’s not to like , I mean its round ,crunchy, even has a butt so can sit and best of it ,can be taken both – raw or cooked.What other veggie can claim all that adjectives?

Head : veggie  with butt ? Why am I attached to a heart with no sense of world!

I remember a dish .. all of us likes and its of capsicum.

Head : Eh ? The one where you stuff capsicum with whatever you find in your fridge and put it in microwave and eat it almooost raw? 

It is called smart cooking , am a smart cook. Remember this? Don’t spoil it. Am gonna explain how it’s done for only smart readers!

hmm , what should I name the dish?

Capsicum butt stuffed!

So I had few capsicum in my fridge. I bought them green , nurtured in there till turning red and then realized it is not gonna turn into bell pepper , so I might as well finish it before crunch is gone…

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See , I told you capsicum have butt and can sit!

Now I need something to stuff up these capsicum. I love stuffed so much!

Head : Eh , and wont you tell your reason for “love stuffed”?

Alrite (making a mental note of trying not to deviate truth in front of head), So I love stuffed capsicum coz that way I can eat capsicum , husband can eat stuffing and I can even make paratha from stuffing for kiddo… .a complete family entertainment!

Phew ! There I said it. This is my family favorite recipe coz everyone get’s to eat their favorite!

Head :  I feel so much lighter now!

Ignoring the snob head..So now I need something to stuff up these capsicum.

(1) Open your fridge , look around and see what can you find? Paneer (cottage cheese) , other cheese , peas. Bring it on. Anything can be stuffed into capsicum. I found mushroom.

(2) Nothing in fridge? Alternative .. hmm you got to have potato in your house.. What kind of Indian ( or European?) are you with no potato!  Boil it and mash it.

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Mushroom were getting lonely in fridge and needed some trimming . Mixed here with all spices…

(3) Heat a pan , add butter . Not oil .. Butter is tastier. Add some onion.

(4)  Add mushroom to pan , salt , chilli powder and whatever powder spice you can find.  Find some special spice like amchur , chaat masala..

Head: Aha! You didn’t tell to wash and cut mushrooms before adding to pan , not whole one,

C’on , Do I need to tell this to humans who knows to cook ?

Ignoring …

(5) Add some sauce , it taste good. Open your sauce and soup cabinet and pick one. I had tomato soup. Mix it into the mushroom. It’s better mushroom cooks with sauce.

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Mushroom floating in tomato sauce

Head  : Aha! lady .. sauce makes it curry .. you are definitely not looking for a curry to fill into capsicum butthole?

Shut-up head , this is my recipe.

Wait , he is right.

Am not making gratin , its stuffed capsicum.. stuffing should be …solid. Think NOW, risk mitigation , crisis aversion, damage control.

(6) Mix  a bit of corn flour and add to thicken it. It worked, as you can see in picture. And I also added a bit of white sesame seeds, for the white effect 🙂

It just looked good in pan with other red stuff.

Damage contained!

PS: You can skip step 6 , if you have skipped step 5 .

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Damage controlled mushroom , cooking in peace and harmony with tomato soup /corn flour

 Head (Grinning ): See I was right 

Ignoring head who think he is Master Chef! Cover the pan and let it cook. This can’t be eaten raw. You see it has no can-eat-raw super power like my doll , capsi!

(7)  Work with capsicum , cut off capsicum’s head , slide off and then empty its belly. remove all the seeds and glaze the capsicum with oil on the inside wall.

 

(8)  Now am bore and I assume you get the drift. Fill the stuffing into capsicum, prepare your micro-wave plate.

Add plenty of oil, place the capsicum on plate and put it inside.

(9) Cook it as much as you want it .. I mean I like a bit raw ,as you can see in the pic.. try different options of microwave – Grill , convection , Grill + convection , power heat , or just plain.. sky is your limit (and the options of your microwave).

Here is the best part !

My husband likes the mushroom stuffing , I finished off the capsicum.

All in one and one in all .

Isn’t this the smartest capsicum butt stuffed ever !

Ta-da!